“Because I’ll fuck this up.”
“What are you talking about?” I shake my head, not understanding where he’s going with his. The shower beats down on my back, the water sliding from my hair onto his hands that still cup my face, running down his forearms. He rubs his thumb across my bottom lip, his eyes zeroing in on my mouth.
“I should walk away now, before it’s too late.”
“Or you could just…stay.” I swallow hard, searching his eyes for any clue as to what’s going on inside that head of his. I know it’s only a matter of time before he leaves again. Then Lo and Dare will be back soon, and we’ll have to go back to stolen moments when no one is looking. Our time together is fleeting, and I want to hold onto whatever this is for a little while longer.
“Or I could stay.”
* * *
“DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY we met?” I ask, gathering my hair into a high ponytail before sinking into the hot tub. Jess smirks at me from the opposite side, eyes raking over my body. After he hulked out on the bathroom door the other night, he took us back to bed as if nothing happened. I was too sore for another round so soon, so he settled for licking me until I came with my thighs plastered to either side of his face.
I haven’t had school and I’ve only worked a couple of shifts this week, and surprisingly enough, Jess hasn’t pulled a vanishing act. We’ve spent the last few days together talking, laughing, fucking. Being with him like this is bittersweet. I feel like I’m on top of the world when we’re in our own little bubble, but what happens when that bubble bursts? I can tell he’s still on edge. I see his demeanor change every time his phone rings—though he hasn’t answered it. Something is plaguing his thoughts. I just don’t know what.
“Mhm,” he says, tugging me closer by my legs until I’m straddling him. “When I told Sierra that you were my girlfriend.”
“That wasn’t the first time,” I say, batting his hand away when he peels the black triangle of my bikini top away from my chest.
“Yes it was,” he argues, his voice adamant.
“Nope.” I smile, shaking my head. “My dad taught guitar at the high school.”
Jess settles back, hands grasping my waist, waiting for me to continue.
“I used to hang out under the bleachers to pass the time whenever he had to work.” I think back to the first time I saw Jess, sweaty and panting at lacrosse practice as he jogged off the field to grab his water bottle. Halston caught me staring and told me everything she knew about him, which wasn’t much. He had just moved there and was the shiny new toy every girl wanted to play with. I played it off, like he wasn’t the hottest boy I’d ever seen, and eventually, she changed the subject. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that we actually met.
“I lost track of time one day, and I knew my dad would be looking for me. I shot out from under the bleachers like a bat out of hell and ran right into you.”
Jess frowns. “I would have remembered you.”
“Well, you didn’t.” I laugh. “I dropped my journal at the same time you dropped your book. An old, worn paperback copy of The Outsiders.” That wasn’t the last time I’d seen him with it either.
“I vaguely remember this,” he says, his thumbs rubbing my hips.
“You bent down to pick them up and then handed my journal to me.”
“Always the gentleman.” He smirks, obviously pleased with himself.
I snort out a laugh. “You clearly don’t remember what you said to me next.”
“Nope.”
“You said, and I quote, ‘Call me when you get your braces off.’”
Jess throws his head back, barking out a laugh. I float away from him, splashing water at his face.
“I’m glad you’re so amused with yourself,” I say, but I can’t keep the smile from my lips. Seeing Jesse Shepherd happy is a beautiful fucking sight.
“No wonder you hated me when I saw you at Blackbear,” he muses. “While we’re confessing things,” he says, gliding toward me, bracing his hands on the edge of the hot tub behind me, caging me in. “I didn’t really care about what Sierra thought. I just wanted to talk to you.”
I chew on my lip, circling my hands around the back of his neck as I lock my legs around his waist. “Oh yeah?”
He nods. “And look at us now.”
I feel how hard he is through his swim shorts, and I raise a brow. “There’s not enough chlorine in the world for me to have sex with you in here.” It’s bad enough that I’m in here without a hazmat suit with all the action this Jacuzzi gets.
Jess chuckles, nuzzling into my neck. “I can’t help it. Your skin is soft and you fucking smell like butterscotch.”