When I say nothing, he leans forward, folding his hands on the desk. “Are you in some kind of trouble? Is this too much pressure?”
I clench my jaw so tight it feels like my teeth are going to crack. Pressure? Yeah, you could say I’m feeling the fucking pressure. Funny thing about lacrosse scholarships—they don’t cover shit. I can barely afford to be here. Working is prohibited while I’m on the team, so I’ve had to resort to finding creative ways to make money. It’s damn near impossible juggling it all.
“No trouble,” I grit out.
“I can’t work with you if you don’t give me something,” he says, his voice tight with frustration. This isn’t convenient for him. It’s probably the reason I’ve gotten away with breaking the rules so long, and the reason he waited until after we played one of the toughest teams to broach the subject.
“All right,” Coach stands, his voice resigned. “You’re suspended for the season. Take the rest of the year to get your shit together.”
I knew it was coming. Practically dared him to kick me off the team. Disappointment settles over me, and it’s almost a relief. I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. This life wasn’t meant to be mine. It never felt real anyway. College. Sports. This shit isn’t me, no matter how hard I try.
When I leave the office, the rest of the team has cleared out. Everyone but Riley, and judging by his dejected expression, I’m guessing he heard enough to know what went down.
“Just like that?” he asks, hands braced on his sides.
“Just like that,” I confirm. He scoffs as I walk past him to clear out my locker.
“Did you even try to fight it?”
“No.”
“Why the fuck not?”
I slam my locker shut, slinging my bag over my shoulder. I force a casual stride as I make my way outside. Riley jogs to catch up to me, and I know words are coming out of his mouth, but I don’t hear anything once my eyes lock onto Travers. He glances up, cocky expression plastered to his mug before blowing me a kiss.
I flex my fingers, wanting nothing more than to knock his fucking teeth out. And now, I don’t have any reason to reel it in.
I drop my bag, prowling straight for him. He stands his ground, confident that I won’t possibly do anything to get myself in even hotter water. What he doesn’t know is that I’m already done, and I’m prepared to go out with a bang. I see the moment the fear sets in. He tries to conceal it, but his eyes widen once he realizes I’m not stopping. I send my fist into his jaw as hard as I can, and he drops like a sack of fucking rocks.
“What the fuck!” he shouts, cupping a hand under his chin to catch the tooth he spits out. Well, whaddya know? My wish came true.
“Shep!” Coach hollers, marching toward us. “Get the fuck out of here!”
I huff out a humorless laugh before spitting on the floor next to Travers. “I’m gone.”
* * *
“YOU WHAT?” MY SISTER, LO, shrieks. I curl my fists at my side, forcing myself not to react. I knew she wasn’t going to take the news well. Should’ve done it over a phone call to give her a chance to calm the hell down before I got here.
“I dropped out,” I say again.
“I heard you. I just can’t figure out how you could do something so goddamn stupid,” she snaps. She starts walking around her living room, picking up random things and roughly putting them away. It’s what she does when she’s mad. She’s an angry cleaner. And finding out her little brother is dropping out of college when she worked so hard to make it happen is right at the top of the list of things that would piss her off.
“Changed my mind,” I say simply. Lo stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind, her eyebrows pulling together as her expression morphs from shocked to infuriated. She doesn’t speak, and a silent Logan Shepherd is the one thing I’ve learned to fear, which says a lot considering I grew up in the worst part of Oakland where drive-bys and break-ins were a weekly occurrence.
“Lo,” I say, stepping forward, but before I have a chance to explain, the front door opens and her boyfriend, Dare, walks in. His eyes dart between us, taking notice of the look on Lo’s face.
“Fuck.”
“Nice to see you, too,” I mutter.
Dare makes his way over to the kitchen and tosses his keys onto the counter before grabbing three bottles of beer from the fridge. He looks up at me and I give a slight shake of my head, silently conveying to him that this calls for something stronger. He raises an eyebrow and puts the beers back, opting for a bottle of Jack from on top of the fridge. I nod, and he curses under his breath, knowing this isn’t going to be pretty. The last time I broke out the whiskey, I ended up drunk, naked, and bleeding in his hot tub.
Dare unscrews the cap, taking a big gulp straight from the bottle, before walking it over to me. Lo is still staring daggers at me, jaw clenched tight, as I take a swig. It burns my throat, warming my insides as it goes down. Dare makes his way back over to Lo and presses a kiss to her forehead, but her eyes stay pinned on me, arms folded across her chest.
“Someone going to tell me what the fuck happened?” Dare asks. Lo ignores his question, directing her words toward me.
“After everything I sacrificed.”