In the years we had been married, I hadn’t made her feel secure enough to know that I was a permanent feature. I was not only around for the good times but for the bad as well. Especially for the bad. That was what marriage was.
The one lesson that I’d learned from my parents was that marriage was a lifelong commitment. It was easy to heap the blame on Charlotte but I shouldered almost as much blame as she did.
“I should have tried to find you,” I said to her. “I’m sorry that I never had the faith in you like Amy did. I should have known the contents of that letter were bullshit.”
She smiled. “I was pretty convincing.”
“But Amy knew,” I said.
“It’s easier for a friend to see through the lies. It was you whom I’d supposedly betrayed,” she said. “You were angry and hurt as I knew you’d be.”
“Why that?” I said, remembering the nights I’d lain awake consumed by jealousy as I imagined another man making love to Charlotte.
“It was the only way I knew to make you hate me enough to go back to your old life,” she said.
She knew me well, except for one thing. “There’s nothing you can do that would make me hate you.”
“Unless it involves hurting Kayden,” she said.
“Correct but that would never happen.”
“Never,” she said fiercely. “He kept me going when I thought I’d reached the end.”
“He’s an awesome kid,” I said. “And it’s all thanks to you Chaz. You’re an awesome mom and he’s lucky to have you.”
Silence fell between us. The way forward was so hazy and so unclear.
“What happens now?” Chaz said.
“I don’t know. What I do know is that you and Kayden are stuck with me. I don’t know how we’ll make it work but we will.”
“A day at a time, for now,” she said.
“A day at a time.”
I loved her so much. Her and Kayden and to know that we were a real family and no man was going to walk into our lives and claim Kayden as his son. That made me feel as if I could fly. And happy. And home at last.
So much had changed with the knowledge that Kayden was my son. I had to tell my family when I went back home. I had to update my wills and such and include Kayden. I’d never removed Charlotte as she was still my legal wife. I wondered how she would take that news, but it wasn’t the time to talk about that.
I covered Charlotte’s hand with mine in a moment of complete understanding between us. I didn’t know how the future would unfold, but I was at peace. The relief of having my questions answered was indescribable.
Charlotte hadn’t stopped loving me. I couldn’t imagine how much it had taken for her to walk away from the man she loved. From her husband and the father of the child she was carrying in her belly.
I ached to hold her in my arms. To shower her with my love all night. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Mine or yours?” she asked, her tone playful.
“I don’t care where, as long as you’re with me.” And that there was the bottom line.
The past didn’t matter. I wanted to be with Charlotte and Kayden. I wanted us to be a family. But I wasn’t naïve enough to imagine that we could bridge the gap of two years in a single night, week or even a month.
Despite knowing and understanding the reasons that had led Charlotte to leave, it still hurt and it would take a while for me to trust her wholly again. What if she ran into another setback, would she flee?
It was the same for her as well. She needed to know that she could depend on me at all times. That I would be there. That her happiness and Kayden’s meant everything to me.
Alex
We turned off the lights and went to Chaz’s room hand in hand. We shut the door and took off our clothes while soaking in each other’s presence. All the walls between us had crumbled and we could see each other clearly for the first time in over two years.
When we were both naked, we slipped into bed and she moved naturally into my arms. Our lovemaking that night was filled with a tenderness that had been missing before. A sweetness, tinged with the knowledge that we shared something precious. A son.
Charlotte had to go into work the following day. She was a little shy with me in the morning and it was a little awkward for me too. We were learning how to be a family.
She fed Kayden his breakfast while I cleaned up the kitchen and then made us some coffee. We went out to play in the grass with the ball while Chaz showered and got ready for work.