The last two years have been the hardest of my life. I’d accomplished a lot professionally. I’d sat for my Bar exams and passed. I’d applied for and been accepted into various legal organizations that sat well on my resume.
The other parts of my life had stayed stagnant. I thought about Charlotte every day and in odd moments wondered what she was doing. Was she happy? On bad days I wondered if I had even known her.
On good days, I thought there was another explanation for what had happened and then immediately chastised myself for refusing to accept facts. After Charlotte left me and I returned to New York, I’d spent the next six months bawling like a child at night.
I couldn’t understand how my life had gotten so pathetic. My wife had left me, I was living at my parents’ house and I was working for my father.
“You look like you’re having fun,” Richard, my brother-in-law said, sidling up to me.
“I’m okay really,” I said. “Just thoughtful.”
“Congratulations,” Richard said. “You’ve worked hard for it.”
“I had no other responsibilities.”
He was silent for a moment. “Can I give you some advice, brother to brother?”
“No.”
“Look at her,” he said, ignoring my response. “She’s perfect. She understands our lifestyle and she’s been throwing hints at you for two years.”
“Hints that I choose to ignore because I’m not interested,” I snapped. Abigail did nothing for me. She never had.
“What are you waiting for?” Richard said. “She’s gone bro, and from what you told me, she’s not going to come back. Move on. Live.”
My lungs constricted, making it hard to breathe. I knew that Richard spoke the truth. But it was a truth that I wasn’t ready to face. Not even after two years.
“Give her a chance. See how it works out,” Richard said.
As though sensing that we were talking about her, Abigail strolled towards us. It wasn’t her looks that were the problem. She had dark silky hair that fell to her shoulders and a slim nice enough figure.
Another man would have described her as sexy. Not me. No woman could capture my interest. Unless she was Chaz. I hated the idea, but I couldn’t stop how I felt. What man wanted to still be hung up over a woman who had left him for another man?
I hated that I still loved her but I didn’t know how to not be in love with her. I didn’t know how to move on. I’d wished more times than I could count that there was a button that you pressed when you didn’t want to have feelings for someone any more. A stop button.
Abigail reached me and kissed my cheek. She wore a floral scent that strangely reminded me of Charlotte’s perfume and it made me feel sad.
“Hi, you look so handsome and mysterious standing here,” she said. “Do you want to dance?”
I shook my head. “I’m good.”
“It’s a party for goodness sake,” she said with a laugh.
I was very tempted to walk out of the ballroom where the party was being held and go home.
“I’ve irritated you,” Abigail said, narrowing her eyes at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to but it pains me to see you still so sad.”
“I’m fine and thanks for caring. I was actually thinking that I need to move out of my parents’ house.” I hadn’t been thinking about it actively but after voicing it, I realized that I really did need to get my own place.
“Really? That’s awesome and I can help with that. I have a friend who sells houses. Shall I call her?”
“Sure,” I said, glad that we had switched topics.
“What kind of place do you want?” she asked.
“An apartment.” A house would remind me of the life that I’d had with Charlotte. Sometimes it seemed to far removed from my reality that I wondered if it had really happened.
Abigail and I discussed what kind of features I wanted in the apartment and I really got into it. Excitement seeped into me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt excited over anything.
“You know, I’ve never given up on you,” she said when there was a lull in the conversation.
I knew then how a gazelle felt when it was hunted.
“We would be great together,” she said softly.
I turned to face her. I owed her the truth. “I’m not capable of loving another woman. That part of my life is done.”
“I know. I’m not looking for love Alex. Just companionship,” she said, meeting my gaze.
I thought of the empty nights that waited for me every evening. The loneliness that came from having no one to share my life with. Abigail’s proposal sounded so uncomplicated. Unlike what I felt for Chaz.
She was pretty too and I didn’t dislike her company. We’d been friends for a long time. Maybe Abigail was what I needed to move on. To start living again. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life nursing a broken heart.