“You sound like a lot of humans,” I said.
His laugh was dry and short. “But I... I remember what I’ve done,” he said, and guilt threaded his voice. “When I saw you after I Fell?” His eyes closed again. “I knew you. When I saw you, I knew you and your name, and then I just lost those memories. The reason why you were important to me. You were an enemy I had to...” Lines of tension bracketed the skin around his mouth. “I had to dominate. That’s all I knew until you kissed me in the park, and I don’t know how to explain it, but it was like being electrocuted. All of the sudden, I was hit with all these other emotions that weren’t hate, and when I saw you again—in that pool? I still didn’t understand what I was feeling, but all I knew in that moment, was you. All I knew was that I wanted you. That I had wanted you and that was me. Zayne.” His eyes opened then, meeting mine. “I’m just so damn sorry, Trinity. I know what I did. I know how you tried to reach me, and I—”
“Stop.” I cupped his face with my hands. “Don’t do this to yourself. That wasn’t you.”
“But it was,” he said quietly, dragging his hands up my arms. “That was me, Trin. I was in there—”
“And that’s why you never really hurt me.”
“Never hurt you?” Disbelief joined the guilt. “I threw you around like a rag doll.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” I muttered even though it was true.
He ignored that. “I threatened you—I threatened you more than once.” His gaze lowered, and when he spoke, his voice cracked. “I had my hands around your neck. I can’t unsee that.”
My heart wept as I leaned in, pressing my forehead to his. “You are not at fault, Zayne. You have to understand that, and you have to realize what you did do. You could’ve hurt me bad. You could’ve killed me at any point, and you didn’t. That’s because you were in there, right? It was you who stopped. It was you who showed up and killed that Ghoul and it was you who came to the rooftop.”
“I dropped you in a pool.”
“I’ll probably punch you for that when you least expect it, but it was you in that pool with me. It was you and whatever you’d become after Falling, and I was there, too. You didn’t do those things to me. We did those things together because I knew you were in there,” I told him. “You might not have known why at the time, but you made sure neither you nor anything else hurt me. You even warned me to stay away from you. You said that—”
“What was in me would hurt you. It would’ve. Eventually I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. Hell, when you trapped me, I wanted at you.” His eyes searched mine. “And that part of me was growing stronger every hour.”
“And it was that part that wanted to throw me around?” I slipped my fingers into his hair. “I mean, I can get pretty annoying, so that’s probably not the first time.”
“It was.” He shuddered. “Even when you are being especially annoying.”
“I know.” Of course I did. I could probably kick Zayne in the face, and he would sigh with disappointment. Why? Because he was good to the core. I leaned back so that I could see his face. “But that part of you that was still in there stopped it from happening. That is all that matters. That is all that can matter. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because you were given back your Glory—an angelic soul—and you Fell for me. I don’t know if I should punch you or kiss you. You gave up being an actual angel to be with me. You Fell, taking a huge risk, to be with me, and you’re here. You came back to me.”
“Because of you. You brought me back.” He slid his hands back up my arms, leaving a trail of shivers in their wake. “What did you do? I was out there, contemplating another round of arson on another demon hole,” he said, and I blinked. “And then there was this uncontrollable urge to come here. How did you know what to do?”
“After you first showed up here, I was led to this church by a voice in my head, and yes, that was as creepy as it sounds. I thought I was losing my mind, but I wasn’t. A Throne met me at the church. He told me what I needed to do.” I let his hair sift through my fingers as I soaked in every line of his face. “He said my grace would never harm what I cherished, but I was scared. I wanted to believe it would work. I needed to believe that, and there were moments that I did, but...” A bit of the panic crept back in. “But I had to try. I kept telling myself that if it didn’t work, it was still the right thing. That you...”