“Martelle?” she asks, looking almost amused.
I back up a little, thankful for her calm tone for once. “It makes it easier, not being at school, doesn’t it?” I point out. “You both won’t be tempted to meet. You can keep your hookups secret. She can keep her job.”
Liv blinks, and then something crosses her eyes.
Laughter.
“Um, yeah.” She nods. “You nailed it.” She steps into the room, walking to the bed and putting her dirty clothes in the duffel bag. “She thought it would be best. It was just too hard, not wanting each other all the time, you know?”
I lean against the door to the room, watching her. “You’re still a student.”
“As everyone likes to remind me.”
“And I can still have her fired.”
She laughs under her breath, still tending to her bag and not sparing me eye contact. “Well, that would be one way to ensure I never return to Marymount, Clay.”
Son of a bitch. I shoot out and kick the lamp on the little table next to the couch. It crashes to the ground, the shade popping off, the bulb shattering, and the room dims. “Well, go, then!” I growl, blinking through the tears in my eyes. “Just go! I didn’t ask you to come back for this game!”
“Yeah, benched.” She moves toward me like a snake. “Doing so well on your own, weren’t you?”
“Of course, I was,” I grit out. “I’m me. Oh, the arrogance to believe this has anything to do with you.”
“Oh, I think something does.” She advances on me until I hit the wall, pressing her palms on either side of my head. “There’s a reason you hate me so much. Why? Let’s finally fucking have it out. Why have you always hated me?”
“Because you’re nasty!” I blurt out, smelling the shampoo in her hair. “It’s simple. The most basic human function is to reproduce, and you don’t do that with another girl. You’re fucked in the head. It’s not what we’re built for.”
“Wanna see what I was built for?”
And she moves in, but I push her back. “You’re disgusting.”
“And you’re miserable.” She slams her hand against the wall near my head again. “You’re a miserable human being, Clay.”
“At least I don’t fuck anything that comes along.” I glare into her eyes, two inches from her nose. “You really think you’re happy? Throwing yourself at anyone just to pass the time? You hate me, too. You know why? Because I don’t need anyone. I may be pissy and spoiled and mean, but I don’t need anyone!”
“You need this,” she retorts.
This? The fighting or…? “No, I don’t.”
“Oh, yes you do,” she whispers, but her tone is hard. “You need this so fucking bad you fell apart when I left school, didn’t you? Nothing to play with anymore, which is exactly why I did it!”
I shake my head. No, I…
“I didn’t let you win,” she tells me. “I simply removed myself from an environment that I hated. That didn’t deserve me. That offered me nothing.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I see her chin tremble.
“I got my credits,” she continues, holding back tears. “I got into Dartmouth, and I didn’t need any of that shit anymore. You weren’t worth the fight.” She grabs my collar. “You were worth nothing!”
I shove at her, but she keeps hold and so do I. “None of us are, right? Jaeger for herself, right? Go, then. Get the fuck out of here! Go!”
“I will!” she cries. “I’m leaving, Clay. And I’m not coming back!”
I gasp, nearly choking on my breath as my knees give out and I slide down the wall.
She follows. “I’m leaving.”
No. A sob lodges in my throat.
“I’m going,” she says.
I shake my head. No…
“And I’m never coming back!” Her shout rings in my ears, and in a moment, she’s going to rise, walk out the door, and she’ll never come back, because Liv doesn’t lie. She’s stubborn and strong and a survivor, and she never lies.
Knots twist so hard, they snap in my gut, vomit rises up my throat, and I squeeze my eyes shut, tears spilling down. I push her away and rush into the bathroom, dropping to my knees and heaving over the toilet. I cough, sputter, and choke, feeling it coming up, but the only thing that does is a cry too agonizing to hear.
Oh, God.
She can’t go. She can’t. I can’t…
Resting my elbows on the seat, I hold my head in my hands as lumps of something fill my throat and my stomach quivers.
And then… I feel something warm cover my back, arms wrap around my body, and hands tip my chin back and wipe the hair away from my face.
I tense, instinct telling me to push her, but all I want is her. She holds me to her, and I fall back, collapsing in her arms, crying. “You weren’t supposed to leave,” I murmur. “You weren’t supposed to give up on me.”