“Dude,” Mooner said. “Awesome. Ratings fabuloso.”
The next shot was Brenda in the studio sitting opposite the anchor.
“That was an interesting piece of film,” the anchor said to her. “I understand you've been an insider on this investigation.”
“Yes, I have,” Brenda said. “In fact-”
And at that instant, Gary crept up behind Brenda and tapped her on the shoulder.
“I have to talk to you,” he said. “I had a headache, so I went to my bedroom to lay down, and I had another one of those dreams. You know, the big pizza dream. Only this time, the pizza was pepperoni and black olives, and it was very disturbing because it could fly! I saw it flying through the air.”
Brenda rolled her eyes. “Gary, how many times have I told you to go home? Have you stopped your medication again?”
The anchor was on his feet. “How did he get in here? Who is he?”
“I'm her cousin on our Grammy Mim's side,” Gary told him.
The anchor had his hand waving in the air. “Security!”
“You have to beware of the big pizza!” Gary said to Brenda. “It's not an ordinary pizza, and it's out to get you. And it might be when you're sitting on the toilet on Route 1.”
“I swear,” Brenda said. “You are such a nut.”
Two uniformed guards appeared on the set and the station went to commercial.
“That was primo,” Mooner said. “The dude was, like, a real celebrity stalker. And the white hair is a good look for him. Au courant but raging retro. Like totally Warhol.”
Morelli cut his eyes to me. “The really scary part of all this is I'm starting to understand Mooner.”
“Just think of it as learning a foreign language,” I said to Morelli. “Pretend you're visiting the Republic of Moon.”
We finished the subs, potato salad, and coleslaw, Mooner sang happy birthday to Ken, and we dug into the cake.
We ate half a cake and the phone rang.
“I'm at the police station bonding out Gary-the-Stalker,” Connie said.
“Someone needs to take him somewhere and get him to shut up about the big pizza before he gets carted away and shot full of Thorazine. And it's not me, because I'm late for JoAnn Garber's baby shower.”
“I'll come get him. How do you want to do this?”
“I'll take him wit
h me, and we'll make the switch at the firehouse,” Connie said.
“I'm on it.”
I TOOK POSSESSION of Gary fifteen minutes later.
“How did you get to the television station?” I asked him.
“I drove. I followed Brenda from her hotel. I tried to talk to her before she got into the car, but she was moving too fast. And then she parked in a special lot at the station, and I couldn't get in. So I had to find a place on the street, and then it wasn't easy getting into the building. I had to climb in through a window in the back.”
“Most people would leave a message on Brenda's cell phone.”
“I'm not most people.”
No kidding.