“I found a chicken salad sandwich once. I found it in my sock drawer,” Gary said.
“Badass,” Mooner said. “Wicked cool.”
“What are you doing now?” Grandma asked Mooner. “Are you still involved in the pharmaceutical industry?”
“I mostly gave that up. I was getting stiff competition from the Russians. I've been reviewing my options, and I thought I might open a Japanese teahouse. Either that or a nudie bar.”
My father picked his head up. “Don't you need money to open a nudie bar?”
“Yeah, dude, isn't that a bummer? Where's the justice? I mean, where's the incentive for the little businessman?”
“I think you should open a nudie bar for women,” Grandma said. “There's lots of bars for men where they can see naked women, but there's no place us women can go to see ding dongs.”
“I dig it,” Mooner said. “You want private parts parity. Far out.”
My mother chugged the rest of her whiskey.
Morelli was slouched back in his chair, taking it all in. He draped an arm across my shoulders and whispered into my ear. “Do women really want to see ding dongs?”
“Yeah,” I said, “as long as they don't have to touch them.”
“Is it sexual?”
“No. Morbid curiosity.”
“How about mine?” he asked.
“Yours is definitely sexual... and touchable.”
He nuzzled my neck. “Can we go home now?”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“We haven't had dessert. And besides, I feel funny shazaming with Zook in the house.”
“We could shazam in the garage.” “I don't think so.” “The SUV?” “No!”
“I'm becoming more motivated to find Loretta,” Morelli said.
Stephanie Plum 14 - Fearless Forteen
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
It was a little after eight when Morelli pulled to the curb in front of his house. A small crowd was gathered on the sidewalk, watching two men dig in Morelli's tiny front yard. Morelli got out of his car and joined the onlookers.
“Excuse me,” Morelli said to the guys digging. “What are you doing?”
“Digging,” the one guy said.
“This is private property,” Morelli said.
“What?”
“Private property.”
“I think there's something about digging,” the guy said. “Like people only own the top of the property.”