“It's... um, a pizza.”
“Say what?”
“It's a big pizza. It's symbolic. See, there's Brenda, and there's this b
ig pizza she's running away from.”
“Maybe you're the pizza,” Lula said.
“Or maybe the danger is that she'll get fat if she eats the big pizza,” I said.
He shook his head. “No, this is an evil pizza. It's none of those things.”
“And you told this to the psychiatrist and he still let you run around loose?”
Lula said.
“I'm not considered dangerous.” he said. “Just: annoying.”
“Here's the deal,” I said to him. “I promise to keep my eyes open for the big pizza, if you'll go away.”
“How about if I just keep a distance?”
“Sure. But it has to be out of sight.”
“Okay. And I'll let you know right away if I get any more messages.”
“Deal,” I said.
I walked him out of the kitchen, past Grandma and the ladies, and into the hall. I watched him leave, and then I locked and bolted the front door.
When I got back to the kitchen, my mother had the spray bottle of bleach in hand and she was disinfecting the counters and the stalker's chair. “Marion Zajak's daughter doesn't have stalkers. Catherine Bargalowski's daughter doesn't have stalkers. Why do I have to be the one with the daughter who has stalkers? Isn't it enough that my mother kills griefers? I mean, what kind of a woman kills griefers? Can she go to jail for that? Am I an accomplice?”
Grandma came into the kitchen. “That no-good son of a peach basket ganked me. I had my bitches here and I still got ganked.”
“You didn't kill the griefer, did you?” my mother asked.
“No. Aren't you listening? He ganked me.”
My mother and I had no clue what happened when someone got ganked, but it didn't sound good.
“Thank heaven,” my mother said. And she made the sign of the cross.
“I got big news,” Lula said, flashing the ring. “Notice anything new?”
“Wow, that's a pip of a ring,” Grandma said.
“I'm engaged to my big sweet potato, Tank,” Lula said. “I'm thinking of a June wedding.”
“You can't go wrong with a June wedding,” Grandma said. “Do you have the hall?”
“No,” Lula said. “I only just got started.”
“What about flowers?” Grandma asked.
“I was thinking little pink sweetheart roses.”
“You could put them on the cake, too. Only make them out of icing,” Grandma said. “And then you need table decorations, and what color were you gonna use for bridesmaids?”