“I don't know what to think,” I said to Diesel. “I take my phone everywhere with me. I don't know why she'd leave her phone here, except that it's on the floor so maybe it fell out of her pocket.”
Diesel wrote a note on a sticky pad in the kitchen and pasted the note to the refrigerator. The message was
Simple. CALL ME IMMEDIATELY.
We locked up behind ourselves and took the elevator to the garage. We drove out to the street, and I had a genius idea. We were only two blocks away from the Pleasure Treasure. It was open until ten on Saturdays, and it probably had a book Jeanine-the-Virgin would find helpful.
“Turn right at the next corner,” I told Diesel. “There's a sex-toys store two blocks from here, and we might be able to find a book for Jeanine.”
I could see Diesel smile in the dark car. “Just when I think my day's in the toilet you suggest a sex-toys store. Honey, you're a ray of sunshine.”
“I hate to rain on your parade, but I know about this place because I made a bust here in the fall.”
“Then let's hope this trip is more fun, because I could really use some fun.”
Diesel parked in the small lot next to the store. I promised Bob a bedtime snack if he'd be a good dog just a little longer, and Diesel and I went inside. We were the only shoppers. A solitary clerk was behind the counter reading a movie star magazine. She looked up when we entered and sucked in some air when she saw Diesel. She was in her twenties and completely punked-out with black-rimmed eyes and multiple piercings.
“Just browsing,” I told her.
“Sure,” she said. “Let me know if I can help.”
Diesel followed me to the book section, selected a book, and thumbed through.
“Is it good?” I asked.
“Yeah, look at this,” Diesel said. “Have you ever tried this?”
I looked at the picture. “That's got to be uncomfortable, if not impossible.”
“Hey, pictures don't lie. They're doing it.” He draped an arm around me and put his mouth to my ear. “I bet I could do it.”
“You're a sick man. Maybe we should ask Raccoon Woman if she has a starter book. If we show this to Jeanine, she's liable to check herself into a nunnery.”
Diesel pulled another book off the shelf. “This looks more basic. It starts off with anatomy. And there are photographs… of everything. We should buy two of these.”
It was sort of embarrassing to be looking at crotch shots with Diesel. “Sure,” I said, “buy two.” I glanced at my watch. “Jeez, look at the time. If we hurry we can catch the end of the game.”
“What game is that?” Diesel wanted to know.
“I don't know. Any game.”
Diesel moved to the video section. “We should get Jeanine a movie. They've got some good ones.”
“No. No movies for Jeanine. Jeanine isn't into moaning, and they always do a lot of moaning in the movies.”
“Moaning is fun,” Diesel said.
I cut my eyes to him. “Do you moan?”
“Not usually.”
“Why not?”
“I'd feel stupid.”
“Exactly. Just pay for the books with your phony credit card and lets go home.”
“Bet I could make you moan,” Diesel said, smiling.