'He won't get a lot of jail time for that,' Morelli said. 'Maybe a couple weekends of community service. It's not a big deal. Everyone whacks off in the multiplex.'
I relayed the message to Pickle.
'It's not just jail,' Pickle said. 'It's me. I'm a loser.'
Morelli was still on the phone. 'Now what?'
'He's a loser.'
'You're on your own with that one,' Morelli said. 'Are you going to need help with this?'
'Maybe you need… vitamins,' I said to Pickle.
Pickle looked at me. Hopeful. 'Do you think that could be it?'
'Yeah. If you get off the railing we could go to the health food store and get some.'
'You're just saying that to get me off the railing.'
'True. When you get off the railing the police will probably arrest you for being a nut. You'll have to go to the station and wait for Vinnie to get there to bond you out again.'
'I can't afford to get bonded out again. I just walked off my job. I'm probably unemployed.'
'Oh for the love of everything holy.' I peeked at my watch. I didn't have time for this. I had other fish to fry.
'How about this. We need someone to do filing at the bonds office. Maybe I can get Vinnie to hire you so you can work off the fee to get bonded out.'
'Really? You'd do that for me?'
Morelli was still listening in. 'Okay, so far we've promised him community service, vitamins, and a job. The only thing left that he could possibly want is gorilla sex. And if you promise that to him I'm not going to be happy.'
I disconnected Morelli and put the phone back into my pocket.
'About the job,' Pickle said. 'Vinnie wouldn't mind that I'm a… you know, pervert?'
That was pretty funny. Vinnie minding that Pickle whacked off at the multiplex. 'It's probably the only thing you have going for you,' I told Pickle.
'Okay,' he said. 'But you're going to have to help me get off this railing. I'm terrified to move.'
I grabbed the back of his shirt and hauled him off the railing, and we both collapsed into a heap on the floor. The crowd reaction was mixed. Some cheers and some boos. We got to our feet, and I cuffed his hands behind his back and led him to the elevator.
Stephanie Plum 12 - Twelve Sharp
Two
Morelli was waiting for me when the doors opened at the atrium level. He stepped in with two uniforms, and we all rode one floor down to the parking garage where a cruiser was idling. I got Pickle into the back seat and promised to get him rebonded.
'And the vitamins,' Pickle said. 'Don't forget the vitamins.'
'Sure.'
The cruiser took off, and I turned to Morelli. He was standing thumbs hooked into his jeans pockets, and he was smiling at me. Morelli is six feet tall and is all lean planes and angles and hard muscle. His complexion is Mediterranean. His hair is almost black and curls against his neck. His brown eyes are liquid chocolate when he's aroused.
'What?' I asked Morelli.
'Did you make any more promises after you hung up on me?'
'None you want to know about.'