“You made good time,” Connie said.
“That is one motherfucker long trip,” Lula said. “I was in the car for eight hours and my ass was asleep when I hit Little Rock and I said, 'Stick a fork in me, 'cause I'm done.' So I handed the rental car in and I hooked up with a couple truckers who drove day and night. And here I am. They dropped me off late last night.”
Connie took a closer look at Lula. “Did you lose weight?”
“I lost ten pounds. Can you believe it? All you gotta do is eat meat all day. I've eaten so much meat in the last five days I can't remember ever eating anything else. I got meat oozing out my ears. And to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel funny about all this meat. You don't think I could turn into like a meat vampire or something, do you?”
“I never heard of a meat vampire,” I said.
“For the last couple days my teeth have been feeling funny. You know, like they're growing. Just these two ones in front. What do they call them . . . canines. And then I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning when I was brushing my teeth and I was thinking they looked bigger. Like vampire teeth. Like I'm eating so much meat I'm turning into a carnivore. And I'm getting dog teeth.”
Connie and I were speechless.
“What happened to your hair?” Lula asked me. “You look like Don King.”
“Yes, but I'm not cute,” I said.
“Fuckin' A,” Lula said.
Lula and I packed off in my car and headed for the Apusenjas. Boo was on Lula’s lap, ears up, eyes bright.
“Look at him,” Lula said. “He knows he's going home. Isn't it something the way dogs know these things? I tell you, I'm going to miss this little guy.” Lula cut her eyes to the rearview mirror. “Looks like you still got a bodyguard.”
I turned and squinted back at the Explorer. Cal was behind the wheel. And he had someone riding shotgun. Great. Now I had two baby-?sitters.
I whipped out my cell phone and called Ranger.
“Lula's back,” I told him. “So, thanks anyway, but I don't need Cal.”
“He's staying,” Ranger said.
“I can take care of myself. I want you to tell Cal to stop following me.”
“The carnation killer isn't going to move on you when you're so obviously guarded. He doesn't want to shoot you in the head from a distance. He wants to play with you.”
“Yeah, but this is really annoying and it could go on forever.”
“Not forever,” Ranger said. “Just long enough for the police to do their thing. They have some leads. Having Cal in place buys them some time.”
“Grandma Bella said I wasn't going to die until I was real old.”
“That makes me feel so much better,” Ranger said. And he disconnected.
I parked in front of the Apusenjas' house. Lula leaned forward and adjusted the rearview mirror and checked out her teeth.
“You're starting to creep me out with this teeth stuff,” I said.
“How do you think I feel? I'm the one turning into a ... creature. I feel like Michael J. Fox in that werewolf movie. Remember when he started growing hair all over? It was like he was turning into Connie.”
Lula gave up on the teeth and looked over at the house. “I'm bringing this dog back because that's the right thing to do, but the bride of Frankenstein better not start on me.”
“The bride of Frankenstein likes us now. She said she guessed I wasn't such a bad slut.”
“Bet you got all excited over that.” Lula levered herself out of the Escape, holding tight to Boo. She set him down on the ground. Boo ran to the Apusenjas' front door and started yapping to be let in.
>
Mrs. Apusenja opened the door and let out a shriek. She scooped up Boo and held him close and got a lot of sloppy Boo kisses.