My father opened an eye and farted.
“Oops,” Grandma said. “Someone must have stepped on a duck.”
We all backed away and fanned the air.
“I have a nice chocolate cake for dessert,” my mother said.
I used my parents' phone in the kitchen and left a new message on Ranger's machine. “Sorry about my cell phone. The battery conked out. I'll be home in about a half-?hour. I need to talk to you.” Then I called Mary Lou and asked her to give me a lift home. I didn't think it was such a good idea to ask my dad to drive so soon after getting zapped. And I didn't want my mom to take me and leave my grandmother and father alone in the house together. And first and foremost, I didn't want to be there when my father went nuts at Grandma Mazur.
“I've been dying to hear from you,” Mary Lou said when she picked me up. “What happened with Morelli last night?”
“Not a lot. We talked about the case he's working on, and then he took me home.”
“That's it?”
“Pretty much.”
“No fooling around?”
“Nope.”
“So let me get this straight. Last night you were with the two sexiest men in the entire world, and you didn't score with either one of them?”
“There are other things in this life besides scoring with men,” I said.
“Like what?”
“I could score with myself ”
“You could go blind doing that.”
“No! I mean, I could feel good about myself. You know, like when you do a job and it turns out excellent. Or when you set a moral standard for yourself and stick to it.”
Mary Lou gave me the open-?mouth, wrinkled-?nose, this-?is-?a-?load-?of-?bullshit look. “What?”
“Well, okay, so I've never had any of those things happen, but they could!”
“And pigs could fly,” Mary Lou said, “but personally, I'd rather have an orgasm.”
Mary Lou swung into the lot and stopped short, jerking bot
h of us against the shoulder harness. “Omigod,” she said. “Do you see what I think I see?”
Ranger's Mercedes was parked in shadow just beyond the door.
“Damn,” Mary Lou said, “if he was waiting for me, I'd need Depends.”
Ranger was leaning against the car, arms folded across his chest, not moving. Very foreboding in the dark. Definitely Depends material.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said to Mary Lou, my eyes on Ranger, wondering about his mood.
“You going to be okay? He looks so . . . dangerous.”
“It's the hair.”
“It's more than the hair.”
It was the hair, the eyes, the mouth, the body, the gun on his hip . . .