“Didn't say. Only other thing was that Kenny called Billie three days ago and asked to borrow some money. Billie said yeah, he could do that, but then Kenny never showed up.”
“Billie told all this to his mother?”
“Billie told it to his wife, and she went and told Norma. I guess she wasn't too happy that Billie was gonna loan money to Kenny.”
“You know what I think?” Grandma Mazur said. “I think someone whacked Kenny. I bet he's fish food. I saw a show about how real professionals get rid of people. It was on one of them educational channels. What they do is they slit their throats, and then they hang them upside down in the shower to drain all the blood so they don't ruin the carpet what with the bleeding and all. Then the trick is to gut the dead guy and puncture his lungs. If you don't puncture the lungs they float when you dump them in the river.”
My mother made a strangled sound from the kitchen, and I could hear my father choking behind his paper in the living room.
The doorbell rang and Grandma Mazur jumped to attention. “Company!”
“Company,” my mother said. “What company? I wasn't expecting company.”
“I invited a man for Stephanie,” Grandma said. “This one's a real catch. Not much to look at, but he's got a good job with money.”
Grandma opened the front door and Spiro Stiva walked in.
My father peered over the top of his paper. “Christ,” he said, “it's a fucking undertaker.”
“I don't need stuffed cabbage this bad,” I said to my mother.
She patted my arm. “It might not be so awful, and it wouldn't hurt to be a little friendly with Stiva. Your grandmother's not getting any younger, you know.”
“I invited Spiro over, being his mother's spending all that time with Con in the hospital, and Spiro isn't getting any good home-cooked meals.” Grandma winked at me and whispered in my direction. “Got you a live one this time!”
Just barely.
My mother slid an extra plate on the table. “It's certainly nice to have company,” she said to Spiro. “We're always telling Stephanie she should bring her friends home for dinner.”
“Yeah, except lately she's gotten so picky with her men friends she don't see much action,” Grandma told Spiro. “Just wait until you taste the spice cake for dessert. Stephanie made it.”
“No, I didn't.”
“She made the cabbages too,” Grandma said. “She's gonna make someone a good wife some day.”
Spiro glanced at the lace tablecloth and the plates decorated with pink flowers. “I've been shopping around for a wife. A man in my position needs to think about his future.”
Shopping around for a wife? Excuse me?
Spiro took the seat next to me at the table, and I discreetly inched my chair away with the hope that distance would get the little hairs on my arm to lie flat.
Grandma passed the cabbages to Spiro. “I hope you don't mind talking about business,” she said. “I've got a lot of questions. For instance, I've always wondered about whether you dress the deceased in underwear. It don't seem really necessary, but on the other hand . . .”
My father paused with the tub of margarine in one hand and the butter knife in the other, and for an irrational moment I thought he might stab Grandma Mazur.
“I don't think Spiro wants to talk about underwear,” my mother said.
Spiro nodded and smiled at Grandma Mazur. “Trade secret.”
At ten minutes to seven Spiro finished off his second piece of cake and announced he would have to leave for the evening viewing.
Grandma Mazur waved to him as he pulled away. “That went pretty good,” she said. “I think he likes you.”
“Do you want more ice cream?” my mother asked. “Another cup of coffee?”
“No thanks. I'm stuffed. And besides, I have things to do tonight.”
“What things?”