Alarmed, Helena sat forward. ‘Mum?’
Miriam’s eyes opened again. ‘I’ve made choices,’ she said, her blue eyes latching on to her daughter’s. ‘Choices I know you don’t understand. But I only wanted the best for you, darling. And for James. Douglas is a difficult man, a proud man, but he gave us the best of everything. You can’t argue with that.’
Damned if she couldn’t. But she swallowed the bitter retort. Now was not the time to catalogue Douglas Shaw’s many failings as a husband and father.
Miriam gripped Helena’s hand. ‘It wasn’t all bad, was it? We had some good times. After James came along things were better, weren’t they? Douglas was happy for a while.’
‘Yes,’ Helena agreed, reluctantly. ‘I suppose he was.’
In fact the years following her brother’s birth had been the most harmonious she could remember, her father seemingly content for once—because, she supposed, he’d finally got what he wanted. A son.
‘But, Mum, that was a long time ago. And things...well, they aren’t fine now, are they?’
The proud, resolute look she knew so well came into her mother’s eyes. ‘I can make them fine.’
Helena donned a dogged look of her own. ‘For how long? Until the next time he’s angry and drunk?’
She reached out, gently touched the faint discoloration under Miriam’s left eye. Last week’s bruise had faded, but in time there’d be another. And another.
‘Things are only going to get worse. He’s only going to get worse. You do see that, don’t you?’
Miriam’s mouth quivered, just for a second, before firming. ‘I have to think of James.’
‘Who’s nearly sixteen,’ Helena pointed out. ‘Old enough to understand that marriages can fail. Parents can separate. I love him, too, but you can’t wrap him in cotton wool for ever.’
Most of the year her brother was at boarding school, limiting his exposure to the tensions at home. But he was a smart boy, perceptive, and Helena suspected he already knew more than he let on. To her knowledge their father had never laid a hand on his precious son, but that could change. Violent men were unpredictable—especially when fuelled by rage and drink. She would sit James down and talk with him, make sure he understood his options. Ensure he was safe.
‘It’s a few weeks yet till the summer break,’ she said. ‘When he comes home he can decide who he stays with. Who he sees.’
A tiny tremor ran through her mother’s hand. ‘No. Your father won’t let go that easily. He’ll force James to choose between us.’
That was a possibility. One Helena couldn’t deny. ‘You’re his mother,’ she said gently. ‘That will never change. He loves you.’
Miriam’s throat worked for long seconds, then she whispered, ‘I’m proud of you, darling. Do you know that? You had the courage to walk away when I didn’t.’ Her grip tightened on Helena’s hand. ‘I don’t think I can be as brave.’
‘Oh, Mum.’ Helena hugged her, hiding the rush of moisture in her eyes.
Brave? The word seemed to hover in the air and mock her. Brave was not how she’d felt these last few nights, lying in Leo’s arms as she searched in vain for the courage to talk about their son.
Cowardly was a more fitting word.
Maybe even selfish.
She pulled back and gave her mother a steady look. ‘You can,’ she said, the conviction in her voice as much for herself as for her mother.
She mightn’t have a clue where she and Leo were headed but one thing she did know—she loved him now just as she had seven years ago. If they were to have any shot at a second chance she had to overcome her fear. Do the right thing and tell him about his son.
She squeezed her mother’s hand. ‘You can,’ she repeated.
Miriam’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Your father will never agree to a divorce. And if he does where will I go? What will I do? I grew up with nothing, Helena. I can’t go back to that. And I’m too old to start over on my own.’
‘Mum, you’re not even fifty! And you’ll be entitled to a divorce settlement. We can find you a good lawyer.’
Somewhere in the distance a man raised his voice, the strident sound out of place in the quiet of the ward.
Helena tuned out the disturbance, her mind already too full of noise. ‘Please, Mum,’ she said. ‘Let me help you.’
Miriam’s tears spilled down her cheeks. She nodded and pulled her daughter into a tight hug.