I already know the pain of dwelling on opportunities lost, but somehow, I need to experience it again, with him.
“We’d be married,” I murmur, “With a child, maybe two.”
I feel his chest move. “I’d work less,” he says. “I’d take care of the kids when you go on location.”
Tears threaten my eyes. “My dad would have had grandchildren.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “We’re just dreaming Liz. Don’t torture yourself over dreams.”
“I thought we’d try to make it work, and the trying would destroy us, but it wouldn’t have.”
“No. I would have done everything possible to make us work.”
“I believe you.”
He doesn’t reply.
“You’re the best man I’ve ever known, Aidan Court. The best.”
He kisses the top of my head. We don’t say much after that, and soon I fall asleep in his arms.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Aidan
I let myself drift off, but after about an hour, I carry Liz to one of the bedrooms in the apartment. She doesn’t wake up when I take off her shoes and lay her on the bed. When I place the covers over her and arrange her head on the pillows, I hear her murmur something. My name.
I place a kiss on her cheek, the urge to take her in my arms and spend the rest of my life making sure she has no reason to cry causes a tightening in my chest.
I never stopped loving you either.
She stirs, and murmurs my name again, so I get up and leave her in the room, letting myself out of the apartment.
What now?
I have no idea, but I know I’m ready to stop lying to myself. I’m ready to admit that I don’t want to let her go, not again.
The next day at the memorial, the tiny church is packed, and everybody has a story to share about Dennis McKay.
Liz is seated in front, and she’s quiet th
roughout the ceremony, through the clapping and the muted laughter that follows the funny anecdotes from people who knew her father.
I should have gone to sit with her. This is not a time for her to be alone. She still needs…
Needs what Aidan…You?
I close my eyes. Why not? I’ve fought it for weeks, but I know I can’t fight my feelings forever. I know I’ve been lying to myself, telling her I want her to leave, because if things don’t change between us and she leaves again, I won’t be able to bear it.
After the ceremony, Liz thanks everyone and people walk to the front to pay their respects. I join them.
She smiles when she sees me. “Hello, Aidan.”
I take her hands. “You okay?”
She nods and squeezes my hands. “Thank you for yesterday.”
“You don’t need to thank me.”