“I couldn’t tell you the truth, Aidan. You’d have convinced me we could make it work. You’d have offered to uproot your whole life and move to L.A. with me, so I left. I broke your heart intentionally, because I thought if I hurt you enough and you had no choice but to move on, then maybe I’d move on too.”
Silence follows my words. Aidan is standing as still as a statue. That’s the only indication that he heard me.
“Aidan…”
He shakes his head, stopping me. “One day you were the love of my life, and the next you were gone.” His eyes search my face and I can see the pain in their depths. “I couldn’t reach you, and the next time I saw you your pictures were splashed all over the news with your new co-star who was suddenly the love of your life...”
“You are the love of my life.” I place my hands on his chest. “I already told you, that relationship was all for the studios…and to say the truth, I agreed because…I thought maybe it would help you move on…”
His voice is still accusing. “You almost married him.”
I almost did. I try to remember the craziness of my Hollywood engagement, the eager fans who wanted to believe the relationship I had with my co-star on screen was real, the ache for Aidan that never went away. “That was almost three years later. I was unhappy. So unhappy. I missed you like crazy. Work was crazy. I knew you wanted nothing to do with me. I was lonely, and Devlin was lonely too. We were prisoners in the same fishbowl… and I found out…” I stop.
Aidan gives me a sharp glance. “You found out what?”
“I found out you were dating again. I cared more than I should have. I was miserable, and Devlin was there, but I never moved on. He’s just a friend. A good one.”
“So that too was my fault.” Aidan chuckles bitterly and pushes my hands away from his chest. “You know what? This is who you’ve always been. I just didn’t see it before. You do something unforgivable and you think just because you want forgiveness, you should get it. It’s still all about you. You’re still the same selfish Liz.”
“It’s not about what I want. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about what you want.”
“And you think I want you?” His laugh is cruel. “I want to hate you. I want to hate you so much that hurting you would give me pleasure.”
“But you can’t.”
He sighs. “Get dressed,” he says again. “You should go.”
I reach for him. “No.”
He gives me a warning look. “Nothing has changed. We fucked, and that’s it. It was just sex. This wasn’t a reconciliation. It was just two people making use of each other’s bodies.”
I almost stamp my foot. “Stop lying to yourself.”
He abandons me by the door and goes to his desk, lowering himself into the seat behind it. “Go home, Liz.”
“Come with me,” I offer, desperate again. “Let’s go to my place. Let’s talk about this.”
He ignores me.
I approach his desk. “I hate what I did to you. I’m so sorry I can’t find the words to explain how sorry I am. I regret that we are not together, but what I regret the most is turning you into someone willing to punish himself, just so he can make me suffer.”
“You’re right,” he replies, spearing me with his eyes. “I’d give anything to make you suffer just as I did, and it still wouldn’t be enough.”
“You’d give anything…even the chance to be together?”
He is silent.
“I already suffered, Aidan. Just like you did.”
He makes a frustrated sound. “This was a mistake,” he mutters. “Working with you was a mistake. This…” He gestures at me. “Us... It was a mistake.” His chest rises. “You need to accept that there won’t be a happy ending to our story. We will never work. The sooner you accept that and go back to your life, the better for both of us.”
I hold his gaze. “Can you look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore?”
He rises suddenly and rounds the desk, coming to take my face in his hands. He gazes down into my eyes. His chest rises, and he starts to speak, then stops.
“Aidan…”
“Liz,” he says slowly and firmly. “I don’t give a fuck what you want. Just leave me alone.”