“Yours,” he replies. “I gave them to you, but that’s not why we’re here. I wanted to see you.”
I swallow, silent, as hope fans in my chest.
“I wanted to see you,” he says again, his eyes burning into mine.
Something is squeezing at my heart. “Why?” I ask, my voice soft.
“Why?” He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a short laugh, but there’s no amusement in the sound, “Because you’ve gotten under my skin in a way I didn’t think was possible.”
I stay silent, not trusting myself to speak.
“I want to keep seeing you,” he continues. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
My heart is beating a staccato rhythm against my chest. This is what I want. I want to keep seeing him, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him either. But now I know that for me, it’s not just sex. Laurie is right. I have feelings for him. If what he wants is just an extension of our arrangement, will I be able to handle that?
Our food arrives, and we’re both silent as the waiter serves us. When we’re alone again, Landon leans forward. “When I asked you to take the trip with me to San Francisco, you insisted that you only wanted our arrangement to last for a week.” His eyes hold mine. “I want to know why.”
Because even then, I’d known there was a chance that I would fall in love with him, and I’d thought that if we only spent a short time together, I’d be safe.
But I’d still fallen in love with him. The realization tears through me like a slice of physical pain. I’m in love with him. I want him, every part of him, everything about him, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone or anything.
He’s still waiting for me to say something.
“I was in a bad place,” I tell him, remembering Jack, and the feelings of heartbreak I’d thought were real at the time. “I thought a short physical relationship would help to get me back on track.”
“You thought.” His eyes are questioning.
I shake my head. How do I tell him that instead of forgetting Jack as I’d planned, I’d realized that my feelings for Jack had been nothing, totally inconsequential compared to the way I feel now, as if not only my heart but my whole being is at stake.
“What are you asking, Landon?”
“I want to know if …” he stops and mutters something under his breath. “What I’m saying is, I want you, I have from the moment I saw you, and I still do. I can’t let you go.”
I stare at him, my emotions running high. I have to make a decision. I should tell him that I want more than sex. That I want him to…
To what? Return my feelings? Love me back?
It’s just been a week.
I can’t let you go.
And I don’t want him to. That’s all that matters, at least for now.
“You don’t have to let me go,” I respond, my voice barely audible. “I don’t want you to.”
I hear him breathe, the sound is threaded with something like relief. Then he leans back on his seat. “The food is getting cold,” he says. “We should eat.”
Food is the last thing on my mind. There’s a ball of excitement and relief building in my stomach, and I can tell that he feels the same way. I smile at him, and he smiles back, and I feel as if the weight of the past few days has been lifted from me. There’s still so many things to consider, like what exactly our relationship is now, but I push the questions out of my mind.
We talk about different things while we eat. The article, his work, and how happy I was to see Laurie again.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asks, when we’re almost done with the food.
I shrug. “Nothing. Why?”
“Aidan, my brother, has been working on a play. It’s still in the preview stage, but tonight is a ‘press night, and I’m going to lend my support.” His lips quirk. “Will you come?”
It was probably the play Sonali had been talking about when we went out to lunch what seems like a lifetime ago. “I’d love to.”