“The reason I was home early that day…” I take her hand and meet her gaze. “I wanted to talk to you, about San Francisco, about Ava, about the fact that I could see that I was losing you.”
“You weren’t…”
I shake my head. “You were here, physically, but emotionally, you were drifting away. I could feel it, and I knew it had something to do with Ava, her stabbing, how I reacted to it…”
“It doesn’t matter now,” she says gently. “I love you, more than anything. I don’t care about Ava now.”
“But at the time?”
She pulls in a shaky breath. “I was… I don’t know what I was feeling. I guess I thought she still meant too much to you. I thought that was why you wouldn’t get Evans locked up after he tried to hit you with his car, why you were so broken up when you heard about her stabbing… She told me, more than once, that you always came back to her, that I was only temporary. She’s known you far longer than I have, and she was so confident… I tried to ignore it, but watching you so devastated about her, it all came back.”
The revelation that Ava said something to her makes me realize how blind I’ve been. Of course Ava would not have kept her games to just me. She’d have tried to hit Rachel too.
I remember every event we attended where Ava showed up…the hotel opening, Aidan’s play, Rachel’s mood afterward…of course. I was so blind.
And Rachel suffered for my blindness.
I sigh. “She always came back, Rachel, after every divorce or high-profile breakup, and if I was single, as I usually was, I let her in, because she already knew, more than anyone else, that I didn’t want permanence—at least I didn’t before you.”
Rachel’s eyes mist with pain. “She made me think she was the great love of your life.”
I shake my head. “You’re the great love of my life, and I have a scar to prove it.”
Her smile is sad. “You’re already joking about it. It’s going to take a while for me.”
I take a deep breath. Slowly, I explain to her about my history with Ava, the shared pain that brought us together all those years ago, how I thought I deserved nothing better. Our relationship was never exclusive. She always left to gallivant with high-profile lovers, and then she’d come back, professing to miss me. I didn’t realize then she was trying to make me admit I loved her. She proposed, and I refused, because even though I didn’t think there was anyone else for me, a part of me refused to consider that kind of commitment. So, I chose to focus on my hotels. A week later, she was married.
“She thinks she broke your heart,” Rachel tells me when I finish.
“She told you that. Trust me, she knows it’s not true.” I’ve never given Ava any reason to believe I belonged to her, and I tell Rachel that.
“She made me feel like I was just someone temporary in your life, and she was much more than that to you.” Rachel sighs. “When she was hurt and you were so shaken…I was jealous and scared…and ashamed of my reaction. She was fighting for her life, and all I could think about was losing you.”
My darling angel.
I want to put my arms around her, but I make do with only one.
“You’re never losing me, Rachel.” I hold her gaze. “As for Ava, at the hospital, she said some things that made it clear I had to let her know, very plainly, we will never be more than friends again.”
She looks down at our hands, fingers entwined. I need her to believe me.
“You own me, Rachel, every part of me. Knowing you’re mine is what keeps me going. It’s what makes it all meaningful. Before I met you, I thought I liked being alone. I took pride in not needing anyone, but I need you, and I’d give up everything just for you to never doubt that again.”
“You don’t have to give up anything,” she whispers. “I love you, helplessly and completely.”
Hearing the words fills me with so much joy. It feels like my shoulder has healed miraculously.
“I’m exhausted,” I say with a smile. “Who knew intense declarations of love could be this tiring?”
She chuckles, but then her face clouds with worry.
“I need to tell you something,” she says.
I swallow my alarm. Whatever it is, I can take it, as long as I have her.
“What is it?”
She takes a deep breath.