I stalk to the bar in the living room to pour myself a drink before tearing off my jacket and going out to the balcony. I can’t breathe. Out there in the cold, the night air feels like lashes on my skin.
Soon, she’ll be gone.
I send Tony a message telling him to arrange for a ride for Rachel.
Soon, she’ll be gone.
“Landon.” The sound of her voice is like a shot of adrenaline to my senses. I whirl, hope squashing every pain inside me then dying when I see the look on her face.
Soon, she’ll be gone.
I turn back to face the city, taking a long swill from my glass and welcoming the burning in my throat. “What do you want?”
“I have…” She stops. “I wanted to talk.”
My laugh is bitter. “You’ve already said it all. We don’t work.” I face her again, hating to see how fragile she looks, how hurt.
Don’t leave.
My lips curl and I set my glass down on top of the balustrade. “What else is there to say?”
“Landon—”
“Stop, Rachel. Just stop it.” I hold up one hand. “I’m done. I’m sick of the mixed messages, the drama…” I shrug and laugh again. “You always have an excuse to walk away, no matter what I do. I get the message now. You’ve proven beyond any doubt that you’re out of my reach.”
Her eyes fill with tears and I hate myself—for not deserving her, for not being good enough for her, for not being what she wants. “You really should leave,” I say with a sigh. “I intend to get well and truly drunk tonight.” I reach for my drink again.
“I love you.” The words stop me in my tracks, and I freeze. Slowly, I turn back to face her.
“I love you,” she says again. “I’m in love with you.” Her eyes fall away from mine. “I have since that first week we spent together. I…I didn’t want to fall in love with you, and I didn’t plan to, and it has hurt…It has hurt every day knowing you don’t feel the same way.”
I’m staring at her, hearing her speak but not quite sure I understand what she’s saying.
“I just…I thought it would be easier if I let you go.” The words are spilling out of her, faster than I can comprehend. “I didn’t want something that, at best, was just a prolonged hookup, and now I don’t want a relationship that has no chance of becoming something more, because I won’t be able to bear it.”
She loves me.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she continues. “I’m not asking for anything from you. I already know how you feel about commitment. I just wanted you to know the truth. I love you. That’s the only reason why I ever walked away. I knew it was the only way I would have a chance to get over you.”
She loves me, and that’s why she’s leaving.
“Rachel…” I take a step toward her. “Don’t go.”
Her body is trembling. “Landon…”
“Don’t go,” I repeat. “Please.”
She comes to me and puts her arms around me. “I love you,” she says again. “Nothing is ever going to change that.”
I close my eyes. She loves me.
She has loved me…all this time, and she never told me.
I had no idea.
I feel exultant, yet strangely sad. “You have no idea how afraid I am of hurting you.”
She lifts her face to mine and places a kiss on my lips. “You won’t.”