I retired to the bedroom I was staying in and opened my laptop. My resume was in pretty good shape, but I still made a few edits before looking around online for some potential employers. I really didn’t have any limitations when it came to relocating, but I wanted something as far from Andalusia as possible, even if it didn’t take me all the way to the Pacific Ocean again. I started my educational adventure pursuing a Business Management degree, but after the first semester, I added some Marketing and Advertising courses because I wanted to expand my options. If a company had an opening, I wanted to be able to bring something to the table that was beneficial. I spent my whole life feeling like I couldn’t control the world around me, and college gave me an opportunity to make sure my life was different after I graduated.
But first I have to find a freaking job.
My heart was still wounded when I started college, and that caused me to retreat inside my shell for a while. It was no different than high school, except I didn’t dress like a goth and I got my natural hair color back. After Preston and Hudson saw through the disguise, I didn’t really feel like it mattered much anymore. A few guys asked me out, but I turned them all down until Junior year when I had a brief relationship with a guy named Jeff. He was sweet, but I was too scared of having my heart broken again to let him get close. I dated a couple of guys during my Senior year, but I ran into the same complications. The scars that the Anderson brothers left on my heart soured my soul. I thought they were the answer to my prayers, but I was wrong. Trusting them proved to be my undoing—and truthfully, I wasn’t sure if I would ever recover.
* * *
Five years ago
My first instinct when Hudson said he loved me was to run. It scared me. I was shaking when I got to my car and still shaking a few hours later when I sat alone in my room at my foster family’s house. I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to both Anderson brothers and the things we did when we were together created an emotional connection, but I never expected it to turn into love. Preston was leaving at the end of the summer and so was I. Hudson was going to stay in Andalusia and become a firefighter like his father. Our paths were laid out in front of us long before I gave in to temptation at the graduation party. I let them take my innocence, but I held onto my heart. Giving that away was terrifying because it had been trampled on every time I dared to believe in something stronger than what was directly in front of me.
I didn’t need a relationship to know how cruel the world could be. After my parents died, I was a difficult child. I acted out because it was the only way that I could express the hurt I was feeling. A few of the people that fostered me in the early days were looking for an addition to their family, but I wasn’t looking for a new family—I just wanted my old one back. I got bounced around several times in those days, and by the time I opened my heart to the possibility of staying with one family for the rest of my life, I never found one that was interested in adopting me. My age played a big factor in that, and as I got older, the only families that were willing to foster me were the ones that wanted a check from the government every month. If they would have told me that up front, I wouldn’t have let myself believe it could be anything more than an arrangement that provided a bed and three meals a day. I really liked a few of those families, but it never lasted.
“Eliza, are you okay?” My current foster mother, a nice older lady named Linda, pushed open my bedroom door.
“Yeah.” I wiped away a tear that was trying to form in the corner of my eye. “I’m fine.”
“You didn’t seem like you were fine when you came home.” She walked into my bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Does this have anything to do with all the late hours you’ve been keeping? I assume there’s a boy to blame.”
“Something like that.” I sighed and nodded.
“I know I’m not your mother, and I would never try to replace her, but you can talk to me if you need to.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I was your age once.”
“He said he loves me.” I shook my head back and forth.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Linda tilted her head to the side.
“I don’t know…” The tears refused to be wiped away, and they welled up in my eyes.
“It’s been difficult for you. I realize that. No kid should be shuffled around as much as you have. I hope it hasn’t hardened your heart—because it’s okay to love someone.” She squeezed my hand again.
“Even if it changes everything?” I wiped my eyes and turned my head towards her. “I’ve had a plan since I was a kid.”
“Yes, and you’ve got a great opportunity in California, but if you were able to get a scholarship to a school out there, I’m sure you could get one here if you really wanted to.” She released my hand and wrapped her arms around me. “Listen to your heart—it will always lead you in the right direction.”
That would have been easy if my heart wasn’t in turmoil—if it didn’t stop beating the second Hudson said he loved me. Deep down, I did want to believe in love. I wanted to embrace trust. The Anderson brothers had done more to change my perspective on life in two months than eighteen years had done before them. But was that worth the risk? I wasn’t oblivious to the reality of the situation. I was just a girl they hooked up with on graduation night that they wanted to keep fucking. I liked the intimacy and closeness, so I clung to it because I never had it before. That wasn’t love though. That was just a damaged girl looking for comfort and finding it in lust. Could it become something more? Was it worth forgetting my plans, staying in Andalusia, and trying to make it work with the Anderson brothers? Hudson loved me, but I wasn’t sure Preston felt the same way. I knew enough about Preston Anderson from high school to know that he was only interested in one thing, but I had seen a different side of him when we were together.
I guess I need to try and talk to them before I make a decision that will impact all of our lives.
* * *
The next day
The reality was that I did care about Preston and Hudson. It might have started with seduction, but it had grown into something more. I allowed myself to become vulnerable and whether I liked it or not, they did push pa
st my shell—they did open my heart. I thought about what Linda said to me—about all the plans I had to leave Andalusia. There were bad memories in the small town I grew up in, but I had created a lot of good ones while I was with Preston and Hudson. If there was a chance that I could find the kind of love and acceptance I dreamed about my whole life, then perhaps I shouldn’t leave. Perhaps I should let myself be even more vulnerable and put my trust in someone else. I spent the whole night lost in my thoughts, and when morning came, I decided that I was willing to take a risk—I was willing to consider that life in Andalusia wasn’t impossible. It was more than just a want. It had become a need—one that I didn’t recognize until Hudson said the words that changed my perspective.
“I didn’t think I would see you again.” Preston opened the front door and stepped back. “Come on in.”
“I guess that means Hudson told you?” I looked up at him once the door was closed.
“Yes, he told me.” Preston sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry that he had to become such a fucking lush.”
“It’s okay.” I nodded slowly. “I was hoping to talk to you both. Is he here?”
“He’s in the shower.” Preston motioned towards the stairs. “What do you want to talk to us about?”
“Well—us.” I swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. “Where this is going—what Hudson said. Maybe I don’t have to leave after all.”