I had trusted Angelina. That trust had taken me down a road that threatened to crush everything I needed to finally feel complete. I thought the closure I needed was with my father, but I was wrong. It had opened my eyes instead of closed them. There was an unsatisfied rage and I would have to learn to live with it. Perhaps it would get easier in time, but if I left Bakersfield again without Harmony, my turmoil would be worse than it was when Angelina first started trying to crack my shell. She believed Harmony needed to walk her roads to find the destination, but I no longer believed that. My philosophy had changed. I finally saw the reality of love and it could chase away the darkest night—it could vanquish the fiercest demon. That was what I needed. I needed Harmony.
Angelina’s view is driven by fancy software and a god complex. She’s missing the purity of the moment. That was enough to change my father—surely it’s enough to let me find the happiness I’ve needed for so long.
I tried to explain my thought process to Angelina, but it didn’t go well. She wasn’t ready to have her viewpoint challenged. By the time I got there, Harmony was already on another road. The worst part of it was realizing that I was the one that convinced Harmony to give it a shot in the first place. Another man had his hands on the woman I had fallen for—the woman I never got over—and I was the one the that told her to trust the she-devil. When the knock came at my door, I knew it was Angelina. I was still angry, but I realized that the only road which would lead me back to Harmony had to go through her.
“Hello, Angelina.” I opened the door and took a step back.
“You’re still angry.” She sighed as she stepped through the door. “I knew the meeting with your father would be hard, especially since he played such an integral role in your decision to leave Bakersfield.”
“You knew he was happy—you knew he had changed.” I stared and slammed the door.
“Yes, but it wasn’t something I could tell you. I would have explained that to you yesterday if you weren’t ranting about love and people changing.” Angelina walked over and took a seat on the edge of the bed.
“Why do you play these twisted games?” I walked over and sat down in the chair across from her. “Isn’t this the same kind of twisted game that got all of those people killed at Club Infinite Fantasy?”
“That was a tragedy and it had nothing to do with bringing people together. It was a psychopath that had an agenda against one of the people I was helping.” She shook her head and I saw pain fill her eyes. “I would never put someone in danger.”
“No, you just strip people of the shell that protects them and shove them into a bed of razorblades.” I shook my head angrily. “You tore me apart until I was vulnerable, then you gave me a chance at love—but of course, you had to rip it apart.”
“Stripping away the shell and bringing out the vulnerabilities is the only way to make it work. You weren’t ready for Bakersfield when I met you. You weren’t ready to try and embrace the life you never had with Harmony. This place was nothing but terrible memories for you. Now, you have a chance to build something new.” She leaned forward and patted my hand. “If Harmony is what you really want, you’re going to have her—but much like you, she has things that linger in the shadows.”
“I need a little more reassurance than your words.” I pulled my hand away.
“Then I have someone I’d like you to meet.” She stood to her feet. “Come, let’s go back to my hotel.”
“Nate, this is Devlin. Devlin—Nate.” I followed Angelina into her suite and stared at the man she introduced me to.
“Hello, Nate.” Devlin looked at Angelina and then back to me. “Is this my competition?”
“Competition?” I scoffed. “How do you even know Harmony?”
“Why don’t you two catch up.” Angelina smiled and walked back towards the door. “Try not to damage your pretty faces if it comes to blows.”
I sat down across from Devlin. There was silence for a few minutes and then he started to tell me about Harmony—his version of her, at least. She was someone he had met online and they built a pseudo-relations
hip on their guilty pleasures. It was strange hearing another man talk about someone I had been intimate with, but as he relayed his story, I found the jealousy fading. I never realized Harmony had those kinds of desires. I had met a few women in South America that liked sex on the rougher side, and I had no problem taking it there, but I never really enjoyed spanking them. I definitely had no desire to hurt them.
“So that’s why Angelina brought you to Bakersfield.” I sighed and shook my head. “I need a drink.”
“Me too, but then I want to hear your story.” Devlin’s intense stare seemed to fade as we sat back down with her drinks.
I told Devlin everything. We both cared about the same woman. I didn’t feel like he was competition—not exactly. We each brought something unique to Harmony’s life. Angelina saw that. She saw Harmony’s dark desires and found a man that could satisfy them. I definitely couldn’t have played that role—not the way Devlin explained it. Over the course of a few drinks and shared stories, I came to terms with who he was. My view of Angelina’s meddling started to soften. Love was more complicated than I realized. It wasn’t just a collision of lust that built into a future—there were cravings that had to be satisfied. Jealousy was easy. Acceptance required someone without their shell to see the bigger picture. The bigger picture was a twisted view of a world I thought I understood.
“I’ve spent my life looking for this one person. She didn’t have a name or a face. She was nothing more than an image in my mind. Fuck…” Devlin lifted his glass and sipped his drink. “Maybe I’ve been blind to what I could really have.”
“We’ve both been blind. I got caught up in an illusion as well. The illusion is safe—the reality is more complicated.” I nodded and sipped my drink. “Maybe the two of us could reach some sort of understanding—but that understanding requires me to wholeheartedly believe you would never hurt her.”
“I’d die before I would do something like that. There is safety in exploration. You just have to understand that she does crave what I offer.” Devlin sipped his drink again. “I’ve never considered something like this before, but maybe it could work.”
“Where do we go from here?” I sighed and shook my head. “We don’t even know where she is. Angelina sent her on another one of her supposed roads.”
“Well, it seems like the two of us were necessary roads. Perhaps her third one is just as necessary.” Devlin shrugged. “I’m coming to terms with this. Maybe we both need to keep an open mind.”
“I’m trying.” I sighed again. “I just don’t like the uncertainty.”
“Me either. This is new territory for me.” Devlin raised his glass. “But here’s to uncertainty—whatever direction it takes us.”
“As long as it takes us back to Harmony.” I lifted my glass and we both nodded before taking a drink.