Of course he uses a condom after she’s pregnant.
“Don’t need them.”
“You want to do it without . . . ?”
“Look, our graffiti is gone.”
“Yeah. That sucks. Oh shit, you got the last issue! Let’s go read it.” I hand the comic over to him. In another life, this could’ve been cool. He speculates on what might happen: “Who do you think the redhead in the scarlet robe is? Do you think the Faceless Overlords will go through with the siege? Shit, they have to, don’t they? Man, this is going to be insane.”
I sit down on the curb and ask him to join me. “I can’t keep wrecking things, Collin. The way I feel about you has changed, and I don’t think it’s because there are still some memories of our good times hidden in my head or something.”
“Wait, you for real did that Leteo thing?”
“Yeah. I forgot everything that went down with you.”
“Are you fucking with me again?”
“I’m not.”
“Seriously, you no joke had your mind wiped?”
“Don’t you feel bad that Nicole has no idea you’re with me?”
He doesn’t say no or admit to how little he gives a shit.
“Well, I feel bad,” I tell him. “This makes us different. I don’t think you suck as a person. I legit believe you’ll be better than this one day, but if you want to continue faking out your family, that’s your unhappiness, not mine.”
Collin shrugs, hiding his pain poorly. “So, what, forget we ever happened, right? I don’t want you coming at me tomorrow or the day after.” He gets up, pacing back and forth to give me enough time to take back my words.
I don’t.
“Okay then. I’m going.” He’s holding on to the comic, in no way about to give it back, and crosses the street to retreat back to his safe life built on lies. But then he freezes. He turns and rushes back over to me. “Are you sure about this?’
I can almost forgive him now. “I can’t screw anyone over anymore, Collin,” I say. “Look, I loved you, but now isn’t the time for us.”
Collin flips me off and walks away.
I lean forward on the curb to flip through the comic when I realize it’s not in my hands. I look around to see if I dropped it before realizing what’s happened.
16
THE GIRL WITH THE
UNFINISHED PAINTINGS
I forgot what happened with Collin. And I hope to God he’ll change and that it’ll be something worth missing. I just hope I remember everything with Genevieve because she’s the one I would’ve been lucky enough to share a happy ending with.
She loves me in a way that’s not fair to her. And it’s shitty times two because I know the feeling.
Before I knock on her door, I ask Eric to wait downstairs for me. I extend an arm to pat his shoulder. He must think I’m trying to hug him because he leans in and it’s awkward and I recover by hugging him for the first time since we were kids.
“Uh, thanks again. I feel like you’ve been my seeing-eye dog or something.”
“Forget it. You owe me one now. But don’t forget—” He slaps his hand over his mouth. “Forget I said ‘forget.’ Um. I’ll be downstairs.”
“Okay.”
I knock on the door, trying to remember everything I have to say while I still have the chance. Her father calls from inside the apartment, asking who it is, and I tell him it’s me. He opens the door, studying me up and down. I can smell his beer breath.