Kara walked toward me and slapped the side of my head.
“Ouch!” I wasn’t expecting that.
“Wake up, idiot.” She flicked her fingers at me. “Fine, you don’t want to have sex with him. I respect that. I really do. I bow to your superpower virginity, but give the guy a chance.”
“I do want to give him a chance. Dammit!” I blew out a breath in frustration, massaging the tension in my neck. “I’m scared, that’s all. I can’t think when he’s near. I’m in a constant battle with myself over whether to give in or not. I hate this. I don’t want to be like my mom.”
“Ver, you have a pussy. It’s between your legs. You don’t actually need to be one.” She paused, growing serious. “The things we run away from are the ones that always come back to bite us in the ass. You feel me? You can run away, but this will come back and bite you harder. Caleb is not your father, and you aren’t your mom. You’re stronger than she was. Fucking deal with it!” she ranted, shaking her head at me.
Needing some space, I turned away from her piercing gaze. She was right. I was being stupid. The more I fought against the attraction I felt for Caleb, the harder it was to stay away.
Because I was in deep already, I realized. I was also deep in denial.
What the hell had happened to me? I’d kicked ass before. Why did I feel like a fake now? I felt like I was living someone else’s life, like I was a spectator instead of a participant. Where was my spunk? The thing I was most scared of was becoming like my mother, and I’d tried everything not to let that happen. Little did I know I was becoming like her all along because I was afraid of facing reality.
The reality was that I really liked Caleb. Really, really liked Caleb.
I had a sudden urge to see him. I wanted to make sure he still felt the same way. What if all of it was a joke? My heart was pounding. No, Caleb wasn’t cruel like that.
I had been running away from risks all my life. So what if he broke my heart? I was not my mom. I wouldn’t be like her even if Caleb broke my heart.
I glanced at the clock. It was two minutes before closing. “Kar, can we close shop yet? I need to talk to Caleb.”
“Atta girl!” she exclaimed. “Yeah, we can close now.”
“Thanks, Kar. You’re a lifesaver.”
After closing, I boarded the bus, willing it to move faster. Caleb had basketball practice after he dropped me off at work. He wouldn’t be home for a couple of hours yet. I had time to cook him a great dinner of steak and potatoes. After all, what guy didn’t like steak and potatoes? He seemed to like whatever I cooked for him. The only thing I knew he wouldn’t eat was mac and cheese. A nervous laugh bubbled out, and a few people stared at me. I turned my back to them until the bus arrived at my stop and let me off.
As soon as I entered Caleb’s apartment, I grabbed my old MP3 player and tried to let my favorite playlist calm me. It didn’t work. I was feeling anxious.
What the hell do I say to him when he comes home? What the hell do I want, anyway?
Caleb. I want Caleb.
Crap. I was hyperventilating. I’d never told a boy I liked him before. How did I start?
I was just placing his plate of food on the breakfast bar where he preferred to eat when I heard the door open. My heart pounded as I waited for him.
“Red?”
“Caleb.” I sounded breathy to my ears. I cleared my throat.
Just the sight of him stunned me a little. It was obvious he’d just had a shower. His bronze hair was combed back, showcasing his gorgeous face. I nearly sighed.
“How was practice?”
He stopped midstride, his head tilted in a way that meant he was trying to figure something out.
At the moment, it was me.
“Smells wonderful here,” he commented, slipping his hands into his pants pockets.
I wanted him to walk over to me, but he stayed where he was, rocking back on his heels and still studying me with those intense green eyes.
“Hungry?” I asked.
I saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down. He looked nervous all of a sudden. Did I have that effect on him?