I don’t know how I will ever be able to live without her again. Perhaps I should make an effort to pull away. She’s so young and she has so much of her life ahead of her and so much to learn and experience. It is entirely possible that there is a young man out there who will love her just as well as if not better than how I love her.
Lying in bed, smelling her shampoo and her hair, and feeling her breathe as her chest rises and falls on top of mine, I am angry at the idea of another man loving her. I don’t want anyone else to be with her the way I am. I like that I am her first love in every sense of the word, and I know I want to be her last. I want her to be my last year.
Good God, Kenton, I think as I run my long fingers through her dark hair, look at you. Forty years old and finally discovering what true love is. I used to think I loved Charlie’s mom. In reality, I was used to her and a marriage made sense solely because we were having a baby. We were young and dumb, but now I am older and wiser, and I know what I want in a woman? in a wife. I want Lucy Knight.
Lucy is kind, intelligent, spunky, fiery, and full of life in a way that I want to be. Lucy makes me a better man. I hope that I make her a better woman. Turning my head and kissing her lightly on the forehead I am imagining marrying her. It’s a lovely thought. She is so beautiful in everything and will no doubt be breathtaking in white too. Imagine what kind of mother she would be. I smile to myself, imagining myself as a father again in my forties. Lucy will be an amazing mom. She has such a gentle heart, a lust for life, and tons of energy. I grin thinking of our many possible adventures. There is no doubt that she can and will keep up with whatever child we bring into the world.
Yes, I want to marry Lucy. The question now is when do I bring it up? I know we have only been seeing each other for a short amount of time. But Lucy and I have known each other almost her entire life. We are closer than most people are who get married. Would it be that crazy to get married within the year? I don’t think so, considering we are so deeply connected. In a way we have spent a lifetime together, we would just be changing roles.
The changing of roles will be difficult for some of the most important people in our life. I don’t know how Charlie will respond to it. I want to believe she will be happy for me, but I finally found happiness, and I make her best friend happy too. Also, I hope that she knows that we will work out in the long term simply because she knows us both so well.
Noah, on the other hand, will be more difficult. Not only have I arrested his sorry ass, but now I am sleeping with his daughter. So, of course, he is bound to hate me forever. That is something I can live with though, especially since it makes sense from a father’s perspective. If the roles are ever reversed, I don’t know how I would react to him being with my Charlie. Actually, I know how I’ll react. I will knock his fucking lights out. No daughter of mine is going to marry a drug lord. Reformed or not.
Suddenly, there is movement next to me. My favorite brown-eyed girl opens her eyes and looks into mine.
“Hey,” she whispers up at me.
“Hey,” I smile back to her, running my fingers through her long hair.
“Are you feeling any better?” she asks with her endearing voice.
“Yes, I am,” I say, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. I am not the kind of man who is prone to such emotional outbursts or one who needs such intense and immediate support. “I’m sorry about last night, Lucy,” I say, my voice a little sad. “I had a really rough night at work and then a really shitty dream and it was all just too much for me at that moment. I probably shouldn’t have brought it over to you like this.”
“No,” she says quickly, sitting up and leaning over my chest. “I’m glad you did. I want you to know that if there’s ever anything you need, you can come to me,” she says, her voice earnest. Her eyes were fierce on mine. “I love you, Kenton,” she says and then closes her mouth hard as if the words slipped out accidentally.
I can only stare at her for a moment. Of course I love her too, but I wasn’t expecting her to say it to me first. I’m taken by surprise, as one of my most hopeful dreams comes true in my very arms.
“Lucy,” I say, searching her face. “Are you sure?” I ask while sliding my hand up across her cheek. If I find out that she doesn’t love me and that the declaration is simply lust or something she said because she is caught up in the moment, I know it will kill me.
“I am,” she says while looking away quickly, not meeting my eye and swallowing hard. “I think,” she starts, “I have been in love with you for a very long time. Before I even knew what love was, I loved you,” she says as her face begins flushing with color in a way that is so youthful, so pretty, so just Lucy, that’s it sends my heart racing in my chest.
“Do you love me too?” she asks in a small voice, still not looking at me. I know she is afraid to be hopeful, part of me wants to just shout it to the world. But for now, I’ll settle with just telling her.
“You are so beautiful, Miss Knight,” I tell her as I stroke her cheek. A part of me wants to stay here forever. I’m lingering in the moment and enjoying it, freezing it in my mind forever. At long last, the love of my life confessed her feelings to me. I sit in silence for a moment, caressing her cheek.
Her face immediately falters, and I know what she’s thinking.
“Do you think that I am rejecting you?”
“No,” Lucy says. She turns her back, but I grab her arms before she can completely pull away.
“Let go of me,” she snarls. “I’m not messing around here.” Her face flushes with a different kind of color now. She might be bright red with anger, but she looks no less radiant in my eyes.
“I love you, Lucy,” I say, jerking her arms and forcing her to look at me as she tries to get out of bed.
“What?” she gasps, freezing before jerking her head around to look at me. “What did you say?” she urges her fierce eyes on mine.
“You know exactly what I said.” I smile, running my fingers up and down her back without releasing her arms.
“I need to hear it again when I’m not mad at you and trying to escape,” she says, making me grin.
“I love you, Lucy,” I repeat, still smiling at her. “I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I love you more than I knew myself capable of. I care more for you than I have ever cared for another woman? including Charlie’s mom,” I confess. “Who cares if that makes me a bad person. Maybe that makes you unappreciative of the mother of my first child, but it’s the truth. My eyes, my heart, my very soul belongs to you,” I say reaching forward, clutching her chin, and bringing her lips closer to mine for a gentle kiss so different from our usual passionate embrace.
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sp; I press my lips against hers until she opens her mouth and I start flirting my tongue with hers. She quickly goes soft in my arms. I love that we can be this way together. In a world full of so many uncertainties, I know that the woman in my arms is mine. Her arms slide up around my neck wrapping themselves around me and pulling me closer as she presses her naked body against mine. It’s a show of affection and intimacy that softens my heart and has me pulling her up into my lap.
“Lucy,” I whisper slowly tangling my fingers in her long hair and keeping our kiss light. I pull myself away but keep her in my lap. “I want you to know, you are so important to me. You are the most important thing in my life. I don’t know how I have managed to go this long without telling you. Without being with you. You are so incredible.” I kiss her gently on the nose. “I don’t ever want you to go,” I whisper leaning my forehead against hers