Resting my head on my knees, I squeeze my eyes shut and get lost in the quiet hum from the crowd outside the small room. Every once in a while, the sound is interrupted by my vibrating phone tucked away in my purse, but I ignore it and focus on the laughter, the clinking champagne glasses, and the soft jazz music playing in the main area. I don’t know how much time passes before the door squeaks softly. It’s quickly followed by a low gasp before a set of loafers pound against the g
round in rhythm to my erratic heart.
“Shit, Charlie. Are you okay? What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you? Is your dad okay?” Levi peppers me with questions before squatting down next to me. His deep voice does nothing to ease the ache inside of me.
“Charlie,” he tries again and raises my chin with his finger. “Talk to me. You disappeared. I couldn’t find you. You weren’t answering your phone. I’ve been freaking out.”
“I’m fine,” I whisper, my throat raw from withheld tears.
“Bullshit. What happened? Was it Conner? So help me, I will gut that mother—”
“It wasn’t Conner,” I choke out.
The relief on his face speaks a thousand words, and if I hadn’t heard the truth from a reliable source, I’m positive I would’ve missed it.
Brushing away a few strands of hair from the side of my forehead, he murmurs, “Then what was it?”
“Can I ask you something, Levi?”
“Anything.”
“Do you remember that night? When we caught that couple making out in the back of the theater, and I was pissed at you?” I scoff before angrily wiping a tear that dared to disobey me by spilling down my cheek. “What am I saying? Of course, you remember. You brought it up last night before you slept with me.”
“I remember, Charlie.” His hands look like clumsy butterflies flapping at his side helplessly as he fights with himself about whether he should reach for me or not. After a few seconds, he surrenders and runs his fingers through his dark hair. “What about it?”
“Do you remember why I was mad that night? Why I left?”
His chiseled jaw tightens. “You said you didn’t like me taking advantage of you. That I didn’t appreciate you. And you were right. I didn’t appreciate you the way you deserved.”
“You still don’t.”
“That’s not true, Charlie—”
“Did you know I loved you? Even back then? I was jealous that you brought a girl with us to the movie. That you were kissing her instead of me. I felt cheap. I felt…,” with a dry laugh, I wave my hand in the air. “Underappreciated. Just like you said.”
Eyes shining with remorse, he cups my cheek then brushes his thumb against my lower lip. And because I’m weak, I let him. “I’m sorry, baby. I was an ass. I was stupid. I was careless. I was––”
“Are,” I correct him.
“Excuse me?”
“You said you were an ass. You were stupid. You were careless. I was just correcting your statement.”
“Charlie—”
I shake my head, my tone more venomous with each passing second. “You are an ass. You are stupid. You are careless. And you’re also the biggest regret of my entire life.” It’s the last part that nearly guts me, and I’m grateful my ass is still firmly planted on the ground. There’s no way my legs could hold me right now. I pull my knees a little closer to my chest, wishing I could disappear.
Defeated, he drops his hand to his side, but his eyes still hold mine with just as much regret and confusion as moments before. “You don’t mean that, Charlie.”
“I mean it with every fiber of my being,” I seethe, though inside, I’m breaking. “The only reason you decided you even wanted me is because you finally saw that someone else might. You’ve never been very good at sharing, remember? Apparently, I fit the bill as well as the popcorn you refuse to let anyone touch.”
His face goes ghostly pale as his mouth opens to defend himself. I raise a shaking hand to stop him. By some miracle, his mouth snaps shut, and I’m able to continue. “You wanna know the best part, Levi? You even had the audacity to pimp me out to your best friend because, in the beginning, you saw me as less than that damn bowl of popcorn. You didn’t care if he touched me first. You thought, Hey! Why not loan out my best friend to my roommate for a solid cherry popping, then I’ll sweep in and save the day, riding off into the sunset with a girl on my arm and a job in the bag.”
His eyes darken, but he doesn’t bother to argue. He can’t. Not this time.
“I was really rooting for you to get that job offer, and because I love your mom, I’m going to still root for you. But I really hope it was worth it.”
My legs feel like Jell-O as I push myself to my feet. After smoothing down my dress with trembling fingers, I walk to the door then close it behind me.