“Cadan,” Diana said. Her small hand came up to rest on his cheek and he turned into it. “I’m sorry that I’m leaving you again.”
Nay, you’re not leaving me again. I won’t be letting you. He crushed those thoughts, and waited before speaking, desperately hoping that she would ask for his help. It was fucking hard to resist the instinct to keep her safe by fighting her battles for her.
“If there was any other way for me to stay, to not go through with this, I would do it. But I have to save Vivienne. To close the portal.”
Ask me. Ask me to help. Ask me. It was torture not to tell her his plans, but he wanted her to ask for his help rather than force it on her.
Diana looked at the man holding her as if he were afraid to ever let go. How could she not love this tortured, complex man?
“Cadan,” she said, hoping to prove to both of them that she trusted his word, “would you escort me to the portal tomorrow? I want you to be there when I go.”
And in truth, she needed him to be there. Even worse, she might need him to carry her there because she wasn’t sure if she could walk to her death on two steady feet.
“Aye, Diana.”
Thank God.
“But I’ll be going through with you.” His voice brooked no argument.
Shocked, she broke out of his arms and looked up at him. His jaw was set and his eyes fierce.
“But you can’t. You’ll die. Your soul could be stuck there.”
“Aye, possibly. You think that would stop me?”
A hard lump formed in her throat, painful in its intensity, and her eyes prickled. She didn’t want to be alone in this, but she didn’t want him to die, either.
“I was at the university today,” he said. “Trying to figure out if I could survive going through the portal. There’s a chance I can.”
“Really? How?”
“Some species, like the demons, can pass through safely. Because Erebus is the region of the Roman underworld that is reserved for warriors, it’s possible that Mythean Guardians, who are warriors and immortal, can pass over the boundary without losing our earthly bodies and becoming trapped.”
“You’re sure?” Her heart raced.
“Nay.”
“But what if I’m trapped there? Is that how I’m supposed to die? By becoming trapped? What if I succeed in killing him, but I can’t get back out because I’m mortal and can’t get back to my body?”
His arms squeezed the breath from her lungs. “Then I’ll stay. I’ll find a way to get you out—or I’ll stay.”
“In hell?” Her heart constricted at the thought of the man she loved trapped in hell with her soul.
“Do you think it hasn’t been hell here on earth without you? Hell is wherever you are no’.”
She gripped him fiercely in return. Could he possibly love her? “And if he kills me?”
“Won’t let him.” Determination flashed behind his eyes.
“But if he does, and I’m reincarnated as another person…you’ll wait for me, right? You’ll know me? You’ll make me remember us?”
Her throat tightened, a jagged rock lodged within. Once again, she didn’t speak of love, and neither did he. Everything was too fraught with emotion and tension to add it, but she couldn’t help but ask.
“Aye, I’ll always know you.” He crushed her mouth to his. She returned the desperation of his kiss, tangling her hands in his hair and welcoming the invasion of his tongue. He clutched her close and she poured her heart into him.
When they drew apart, she caught her breath. “You’ll let me do this, though? You won’t try to interfere as you did with Boudica?” If I’m destined to die, I might as well get a chance to save my friend and the world.
“You are the only one who can accomplish this task. But I’ll be there, should you need me.” She felt his muscles tighten beneath her.