“Release me!” His eyes blazed and the tendons stood out on his neck.
“Not a chance in hell. Why did you lie to me?” Her eyes stung even as her fists shook and her mind seethed with rage. She was being pulled in two directions—between Diana’s pain and Boudica’s fury.
“What the hell do you mean? Untie these bloody straps!”
She laughed, not surprised to hear the bite of craziness in her voice. “Why? So you can repeat yourself?”
“Stop talking in riddles, woman.”
“Don’t you mean Boudica?”
“What?” Cadan’s brow furrowed, but something lit in his eyes. A spark of recognition at the name. Or guilt?
“I know about my past, you bastard. And I know what you did. And you’re trying to do it again.”
“Who are you?” His eyes searched her face, no doubt looking for a change, something to tell him which woman he’d be screwing over this time around. “Diana? Or Boudica?”
“Diana. Why? Disappointed?” Her heart twisted at the idea, but her head continued to pound. She’d wondered if he was the man from her dreams, but she’d pushed it aside. Idiot. Of course he was.
“Nay.”
She wanted to believe sincerity shone in his eyes. She might have, if she had been just Diana. But she wasn’t just Diana. Not anymore. The control that her father had wrested from her in the beginning of this life had been wrested from her before in her past life, only worse. So much worse. And Cadan had been trying to do it again.
Cadan stared at the woman in front of him. It was Diana, but her eyes glowed with the fierceness and determination of Boudica. She vibrated with the rage that he only now realized had followed Boudica like a shadow. It had simmered beneath the surface, banked coals that waited. Waited for battle. Waited for vengeance.
“Why did you hide who you are?” she asked.
“I told you who I was. That I’d known you.”
“But you didn’t tell me who you were to me. I thought I could trust you. But you’re the one who betrayed me.”
“I couldn’t tell you.” The breath strangled in his throat.
“Why? So I wouldn’t figure out what you’d done to me?”
“What I’d done to you? All I did was try to protect you!”
“By locking me up on the eve of our final battle? I was fighting for my daughters. Their murderer was out there. After they were killed, that’s all I lived for. You would have kept me from that?” Her eyes glittered with angry tears. “I was your queen. It wasn’t your place to make that decision, especially when your reasoning was ridiculous.”
His skin grew tight at the memory. “We knew we were outmanned. If you were at the front you’d have been a fucking beacon. They’d have gone for you right away. You’d never have survived. As it was, you fought your battle. And died anyway.”
“By my choice. I knew that we were walking into possible slaughter, but it was the choice I made when I sent our warriors to their deaths. I was our symbol, our leader.” She pounded a fist on her chest. “It was my place to go with them. What would I be if I were too cowardly to lead from the front?”
“You should have let me go instead! I couldn’t lose you—I had to protect you.” A beast raged within him. Anger, hurt, confusion all fought to be the victor. How could she not understand this voracious need to protect her?
“That? That is supposed to make me feel better? That you wanted to protect me?” she shrieked. Her face suffused with color and she trembled with rage. “The reason you did it doesn’t make it right. It was my choice to risk my life in battle, my choice to die if that’s what it called for, my choice to fight for my daughters. You tried to steal that from me. You say you loved me, but you didn’t know me at all.”
“Of course I loved you. I’d have done anything to protect you.” The words were torn from his throat. He’d have done anything to keep from losing her.
“I didn’t want you to protect me. I wanted you to love me. That’s all.” She slashed the air with her hand. “I wanted, and still want, to be able to make my own decisions! And you weren’t trying to protect me—you were trying to protect yourself. You were too afraid to lose her!”
“That’s no’—”
She whirled and stalked from the room before he could finish.
It wasn’t true. That was ridiculous. Of course it was.
But something at the back of his mind wondered.