“No.”
“Okay,” Tabitha leans forward and props her elbows on the table. She rests her chin in her hands and looks at me. “Then what happened?”
Everything.
Everything happened.
I try to think of a way to tell her eloquently, but somehow, I just blurt it out.
“He spanked me and made me cry and I told him about Matthew.”
Instantly, I clap a hand over my mouth. What the fuck is wrong with me? I seriously just told her all of that. It didn’t even take a lot of prompting.
“I fucking knew it,” she laughs, shaking her head. “You like him.”
“No.”
“Yeah, you do.” She reaches for her lunchbox and pulls out her own sandwich. The school serves a hot lunch, but Tabitha and I both pack our stuff from home. We’re both trying to save money and eat healthier. Packing a lunch is the easiest way to accomplish both of those things.
“Maybe.”
“Definitely,” she pulls out her carrot sticks and starts eating one. “So, did you talk?”
“A lot.”
“About your brother?”
“Yeah.”
“And do you feel better?”
“Honestly? A little.”
“Good.”
“It doesn’t make any sense, though.”
“Of course it makes sense,” Tabitha looks at me. “Matthew was everything to you. You felt like you’d lost not only him, but his best friend, too. I mean, he and Aaron were pretty close, from what you told me. It makes sense that he’s the one person who can help you hea
l.”
“We talked about what happened before, too.”
“With the kiss?”
“Yeah.”
“And what did he say?”
“I guess he didn’t realize how much it had impacted me.”
“Kids are dumb,” Tabitha says. “No offense to you, and no offense to him, and definitely no offense to any of our students, but being a teenager sucks, and it’s hard. We all made mistakes at that age, Mal.”
“You’re right,” I agree. “And there’s a part of me that feels like I may have, you know, missed out on a lot.”
“How so?”
“It’s kind of hard to admit out loud. I guess I just feel like maybe I fucked up by not talking about all of this stuff sooner.”