“I’ll do whatever you want, whenever you want, and however you want it, if it means getting out of here faster. I won’t try to leave. I won’t even go in the gardens without your permission. I want to know who is doing this shit to me and the only way to find out is to go to where I’m apparently meant to be,” I said, glancing at him.
Kerstan gave me a triumphant look, “What else would you require from me, if anything, before I give this consideration?”
“No more trade-offs. Any girl that speaks to me or shows some kind of interest in being my friend gets humiliated, beaten, raped, or whatever it is that you have happen to them. I don’t want them to be punished because of me.”
He looked away for a moment and mulled over what I had presented to him. If he didn’t take this deal, he was fucking crazier than I thought. I had pretty much just laid out my plan to be the perfect little whore and he was considering it? What more could I possibly have offered?
A week of playing house with Kerstan had gone by and three new girls had come into his home. I made a special point to avoid them in the event that he had lied to me at some point in our deal and would see them off.
I isolated myself from the others as well. I knew I was a serious danger to them just being around them and had asked Kerstan if I could have a room away from them. He offered to share his with me. I guess the perk about that was that he would often leave me alone in the room because he knew I gave my word to not try to escape.
So as I sat in his comfortable, large leather chair by the window smoking a cigarette, I started to make a list of people I had wronged; a list of people that I could have damaged or a list of people that I had abandoned.
Something, anything, to tell me why someone was making me feel like I had obviously made them felt at one point.
The black ink glided over line after line on the yellow papered pad as I wrote out endless possibilities, with no one standing out. Okay it was obvious why any of these names would want to see something happen to me, but why like this? And none of them even had the money for something as elaborate as having me turned into a fucking prostitute against my will of all things.
Having me shot would’ve been much easier and a lot quicker, but less satisfactory I guess, I thought to myself with a chuckle.
After giving the names another once over, I sighed and tossed the pad onto the floor next to where I sat. The evenings in Amsterdam were beautiful; cobalt blue skies, a dash or orange and purple as the sun faded away, and a brilliantly silver moon once the last rays of sun were gone. If it were any other time and under much different circumstances, I would have found myself loving this beautiful city.
“Goedenavond,” Kerstan said as he entered the room.
“What does that mean?” I asked, glancing at him.
“It means ‘good evening’,” he replied with a smile.
I nodded and pulled my legs up onto the chair and reached for my box of cigarettes. The shit I had been going through here had turned me into one hell of a chainsmoker.
“Any new acquisitions today?” I asked, setting the lighter down on top of the pack.
“No,” he replied with an amused smile. “No, today I traveled to Diemen and I sat and watched the boats on the waterways. Tourists are interesting if you stop long enough to pay attention to them.”
“You spent all day watching tourists on water boats?” I asked raising an eyebrow.
“Yes. And while I watched them I had a thought. One that I never had before,” he said making his way to the bed and sitting down. He ran his hands over his face before he sighed and began to pull off his fancy shoes.
“Do you want to share your thought with me?” I asked.
“I thought of setting you free,” he said quietly. “Of wiping away all debts and dealings regarding you.”
I chewed my lower lip nervously waiting for him to continue. I wanted him to tell me that he was going to stick with his thought and that I was free to go, but I wasn’t going to prod him for it for fear that if he had thought this, one wrong word from me would make it go away.
“But what would I do without you, Lieve? You have challenged me like no other that has come through my doors. You cared for some of the girls; none that has come into this home has done that,” he said looking at me. “So I asked myself, what I was risking by letting you leave.”
“And?” I asked, taking a nervous drag from my cigarette.
“And ... I have decided to let you buy out your debt,” he said slowly.
Buy out my debt? I don’t even have a debt! I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to remind him that I had done nothing wrong, that I didn’t do anything to deserve this, and even if I had; where was I going to get the money to pay him off?
“Guess that means I’m in for the long haul,” I replied with a heavy sigh. “I don’t have any money, Kerstan and I don’t have anything worth shit to trade for my freedom.”
“There is one thing I would consider for this,” he said clearing his throat.