I know his body is toned, and I remember vividly how his semen coated the tanned, taut skin. It makes me tingle in places I shouldn’t be tingling.
Dark brown eyes meet mine, and normally I see pain etched in them. It's been that way for years. Since mom left, he's always had this aloof sadness that seemed to make him even more handsome.
Is that wrong?
Perhaps.
But I can’t not think about my father as being the most handsome man I know.
“Okay,” I can’t help but smile as I settle in and fork a mouthful of scrambled eggs into my mouth. He seems lighter today, almost as if something has happened and I wonder if he knows I saw him last night. Perhaps he’s not angry with me for watching, or maybe he’s going to talk to me about not doing it anymore.
I wonder if he realizes it wasn’t the first time that I’ve done it. I focus on my food as he settles in opposite me to eat his own plateful of bacon and eggs. I typically don’t eat a lot of meat, and being the caring Dad, he is, he’s made me an extra portion of toast instead of the mound of food he has.
While I sip my orange juice, I watch him. The gray dusting of his hair in-between the darker strands makes him look a lot older than his forty-five years. And even now, when his beard growing, I can see the silver amongst the black.
Generally, he shaves, but he hasn’t for a couple of days, and the tingle that pulses between my thighs when I imagine what his beard would feel like makes me squirm in my chair.
“Are you okay, Ry?”
“Yeah, I am,” I grin, hoping I’m not blushing too much. His eyes bore into me, assessing me, and I have to look away because I can feel my face heating. I lower my gaze to the plate and finish up my food before he asks me anything more.
I don’t know how I’m meant to act around him, because all I can think about is him naked. Touching me. Kissing me. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply, hoping to calm myself, but all that I inhale is his minty, spicy cologne.
“Ry,” Dad says. “I’ve been thinking
, since you’ll be eighteen soon, and you want to go to Princeton, I’ll get you an apartment on campus.”
My mouth falls open. I can’t stop gaping at him in surprise. First, he didn’t want me far away, now he’s sending me to the opposite side of the country.
“But—”
“Since you’ll be seventeen soon, you should start thinking about moving, about your life away from me.” He rises quickly, cracking my heart in a million pieces. “Your mom called. She said you’re welcome to stay with her.” He tells me this while looking at the goddamned sink.
“But I thought you wanted me—”
“It doesn’t matter what I want. Your mother wants time with you, and I can’t stop her.” The clanking of cutlery in the sink, along with the shattering of glass and my father’s hiss of shit echoes around me.
Nothing is real.
I’ve been living with a man who doesn’t love me.
My heart cracking in my chest is the only evidence that he’s said anything. I’m not crying, as there are no tears in my eyes.
Don’t show weakness, princess.
Those are his words. The same thing he would tell me when I had night terrors as a child.
“You want me to leave?”
“I think your mother should guide you from here on out. We’ll have a visit every other weekend,” he says with a wry smile, and I can see the lies dancing in his dark eyes. My father has never lied to me, but right now, the man before me is nothing more than a lying, conniving asshole. Just like my mom called him.
Chapter 4
Vincent
Present day
The coffee sits on the table before us. Two large mugs of steaming black liquid. She looks so beautiful, sitting on the bench seat across from me. I wanted to reach out and stroke her long blonde hair, the golden color shimmering in the last of the glowing sunlight that’s seeping through the windows.