I wanted to wait.
I wanted to wait until Risk decided when, or if, coming back to Southwold, to me, was the best decision for him. There was no way I was going to contact him and let him know I was pregnant because I knew he would be on the next plane to England. If he chose not to be my romantic partner, it would crush me but I would survive. I would only tell him about the baby once he had made his decision so it wouldn’t sway his choice. It would be devastating if he wanted a life that didn’t involve me, but that would be my issue to work through. I knew he would never turn his back on his child.
The not knowing what was going to happen was a head wrecker . . . and I wasn’t exactly running on an unlimited supply of time when it came to our baby.
“C’mon God,” I looked up. “Give me a sign . . . something, anything. Just give me a hint of what I need to do, please.”
The waves slapping together below the pier were my response . . . until a voice answered me.
“What kind of sign are you looking for, Cherry? Maybe I can help you look for it.”
Time itself stood still. I turned around slowly because I was terrified I was imagining hearing his voice, but when I saw him, standing a few metres away from me with his thumbs resting in the pockets of black jeans, black boots, a black Nirvana T-shirt with rips in it and with a head full of white-blond hair that slightly curled at its ends, I was gobsmacked.
He was stunning, he was healthy, he was smiling . . . he was my Risk.
“Risk.” I placed my hand on my chest. “I was just thinking of you.”
“I know.”
I blinked. “You do?”
“Yes,” he nodded. “The pier, the sea, and me, are your favourite things. You always think of me when you look out to the sea.”
I couldn’t remember ever telling him that, but it didn’t matter because it was the truth.
“You’re really here.”
“I’m really here. I would’ve been here a couple of weeks ago,” he said. “But I had some business to take care of.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah,” he answered. “I was buying some land near the beach, you know, so I could build a new house.”
Pain stung at my chest.
“You’re building a beach house?” I swallowed. “Lucky dog. Anywhere nice?”
“Somewhere very nice.”
I figured he didn’t want to tell me where the location was, so I didn’t press the issue.
“How come you’re here at the pier?”
“I saw you walk from your cottage all the way down here about half an hour ago . . . figured I’d come and say hello.”
I stared at him and he stared right back at me.
“Did someone see you?”
“Nope. No one knows I’m here except Nolan and the guys. He’s taken over Chris’s job for the time being. They’re down at the entrance of the pier, Jacob said he’ll scare away anyone who wants to take a walk down here. Tobias too.”
I blinked. “There are already people on the pier though, I passed by two men fishing and others watching the sunset closer to the gift shops.”
“Fine,” Risk grinned. “He’ll stop anyone who looks like they get paid to take pictures for a living from following me onto the pier . . . happy?”
I snorted. “You should’ve just started with that.”
“Maybe,” he smiled. “How have you been holding up?”
My mum’s beautiful face flashed across my mind.
“Some days are worse than others,” I answered honestly. “Today, I feel calm. I can think of Mum and smile. Yesterday I couldn’t breathe past the pain of missing her, it brought on an attack but Michael was with me so I was okay. Tomorrow? Who knows, I won’t know how I’ll feel until I wake up.”
Concern washed over Risk’s face.
“How are you?” I quizzed. “You look great, Risk.”
He really did, he looked so much healthier than when I last saw him.
“Four months sober,” he said, touching the coin that hung from his neck. “This is the second time I’ve gotten this coin, but I know this time it’ll be my last.”
“I’m so proud of you. I truly am, honey.”
“Frankie,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to hurt you. What I did to you at Wembley . . . I hate myself for it.”
“Don’t,” I told him and walked towards him until I came to within a few inches of him. “You’ve already apologised. You can’t change what happened any more than I can. I know you’re sorry and I know you didn’t want to hurt me. I know you didn’t even realise we were on the stage during that moment, your mind just went blank except for what I had done. You just wanted to hear me sing one of your songs because it killed you to think I blocked myself away from hearing you. I know you speak through your songs . . . it’s why I never listened to them before the concert, I was too afraid to hear what you had to say.”