I shifted. “Hindsight is a great thing, huh?”
She lightly chuckled. “Tell me about it.”
My eyes rolled from her face to her medical ID and I paused when I realised she had two rings on the chain.
“Are those . . . ?”
She looked down and touched them with fondness.
“My parents’ wedding rings,” she looked at me, smiling sadly. “Michael gave them to me after the funeral. We buried Mum with Dad, and Michael felt it was right that I hold on to their rings.”
“I’m glad you have them and that you’ll keep them close.”
“Me too, Risk.”
“I hate that I’m doing this,” I said. “Jesus, Frankie, I hate it. I don’t wanna say goodbye to you.”
“You can say it without it being final, you know?” she said. “Neither of us know what the future holds. I know that now, it took me a long time to realise no matter how much I overthink or fear something, I can’t control whether or not it will happen.”
That sentence alone gave me hope that I didn’t know if I deserved.
“I read all of them,” I said. “I read every message you sent me maybe a dozen times over the past eight days.”
“You have?”
“Yes.”
“D’you believe me that I never erased you?”
“Yeah, baby, I do. You love me.”
“I love you so much.”
“That’s why I’m going to LA. I want to get clean for me, to be sober for me . . . but I want to do it for you too. You’re my shining star, you know?”
Tears fell from Frankie’s eyes.
“Say you’ll do something for me?”
Frankie sniffled and tentatively nodded.
“When you want to talk to me, like you did before, don’t text my old number. Text my new one. I won’t ever text you back, I won’t even see the texts until I’m out of rehab but knowing I’ll get a peek into seeing how you’re doing will give me a lot of strength while I’m away.”
“Okay,” she nodded. “I’ll text you a lot.”
“Thank you, love.”
She wiped her cheeks.
“I don’t wanna cry,” she smiled sadly. “I’ve cried enough for ten lifetimes.”
“Sometimes crying helps.” I reached up and thumbed away another tear. “Sometimes it gives the pain we feel a way to escape.”
Frankie nodded.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave you . . . not right now just after your mum’s passing.”
Frankie swallowed. “I have Michael, Joe, Enda and even Anna now. It hurts but I don’t think that will ever stop, it hasn’t for my dad. With time, I just learn how to live with it I guess.”
The door to kitchen opened and Anna popped her head out.
“I’m sorry, Frank,” she said. “I need a hand. Joe has three orders ready and I just seated two more booths.”
“I’ll be right in.”
Anna nodded and disappeared again leaving the door slightly ajar.
“I better get back,” Frankie exhaled a breath. “Duty calls.”
I stepped into her space before she finished speaking and her little gasp was one I knew would haunt me late at night.
“Can I kiss you?” I murmured. “Just once?”
“I’m scared,” she trembled. “I might not want you to stop.”
I kissed her before she could deny me, deny herself, and instantly she went up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms tight around my neck, pulling my face down to hers. Our kiss was hungry, but not brutally intense. We explored the other’s mouth slowly, seductively, savouring every single moment. I tasted Frankie’s tears as they fell once more and my heart broke. This was either going to be just another kiss of many for us or it was the last.
The thought terrified me.
“I love you,” I said. “I love you, Cherry.”
“I love you too.”
I stepped away from her and before she could hug, or kiss me, again I turned and walked away because I knew if I touched her again, I’d never let go.
“Keep chasin’, rock star.”
Tears fell from my eyes as I jogged back to my car, hopped in and drove away from Mary Well’s. I drove back to May’s house, switched seats and sat in the back with May while Hayes drove all four of us to London. The guys didn’t have to ask how it went, I was still crying when I jumped into the back seat of the car. May kept his hand on my shoulder the whole car ride to London. He sat next to me when we were settled into our business-class seating. I didn’t speak the entire time, I was scared if I spoke, then I would sob.
My friends understood.
With my phone in my hand, I scrolled through the photos of myself and Frankie that were taken the first night we played at Wembley over a week ago. Frankie’s smile was huge and so was mine. We looked insanely happy. This was before everything went to shit. I hated that a few hours after these pictures were taken everything was ruined. I couldn’t delete them though, I needed to keep them. I needed to see her, to see those big, round, beautiful emerald-green eyes and wide smile to give me something to cling to in the dark hours that I knew would come when I began my detox.