I turned when Angel held out my bag.
“Thank you, sweetie.”
I dug out my phone and with shaking hands, I went into my messages and group selected every single text then I forwarded them to Risk’s new number.
“It might take a while for them all to come through, there are a lot of them. I want you to read through them all then sit down and think about what you want from your life.”
Risk was stunned into silence.
“This is your choice.” I lifted my free hand to his face. “Get clean again and we can try and figure out a way where we can be completely honest with one another so any relationship we have can stand a chance. That is the only way this will work, Risk. Get clean or this right here . . . it’s goodbye. A final goodbye. Make your decision, rock star.”
I turned and walked away. Risk didn’t call my name or chase me. He remained at the pier’s end with my words hanging in the air, and with every single step I took, I felt Risk Keller’s eyes on me as I merged into the clouded fog that had descended upon Southwold.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
RISK
Eight days later . . .
“You can’t keep doing this, main man.”
I exhaled and a white cloud of smoke filled the space between myself and May.
“Says who?”
“Me, dicknose. That’s who.”
I snorted. “You gonna kick me out?”
“I’ll kick you out and kick the shit outta you along the way.”
I took another drag of my joint then held it towards Angel who took it from me. May glared his way as he smoked.
“You’re enabling him.”
“I’m smoking weed with him.” Angel rolled his eyes. “I’ve smoked for years. I’d rather him smoke this than take coke or shoot up.”
My eyes fluttered shut at the thought of heroin. I had only taken it once and it was the time when I accidentally overdosed, but I remembered how it made me feel. I wanted that sensation of bliss then numbness to take over my body and mind so I could escape the torment I felt. I wanted to feel nothing ever again. I wanted to be numb to everything in my life, the good and the bad.
“It’s been a week since shit hit the fan in Wembley,” May said. “We got through the other two concerts, just about. Nolan and our team of publicists are still doing damage control. Everyone knows Risk has relapsed, it’s all anyone wants to fucking talk about.”
I opened my eyes and laughed. “No one gives a fuck about me, it’s just—”
“We give a fuck about it, puta!” Angel snapped. “I’m supposed to be back in LA right now celebrating my baby sister’s eighteenth birthday, but I’m here with your stupid ass because I know if you get past May and Hayes, you’re going straight for the hard stuff.”
I said nothing, I stared at a spot on the wall.
“You need to accept that you’ve relapsed,” May leaned against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. “You’ve snorted coke, drank a fuck tonne and I know you got one of the guys to get you pills to help you sleep. When I find out which one, he’s gone.”
Again, I said nothing.
“We’re going back to LA—”
“I’m not going fucking anywhere.”
Angel snapped at me in Spanish. I didn’t know what the words meant, but I assumed he was calling me an arsehole in a colourful way. I reached for the joint but he stubbed it out in an ashtray, glaring at me while he did it.
“Risk,” May snagged my attention. “The facility in LA helped you before, it’ll help you again.”
At the mention of rehab, my fingers lifted to fiddle with my coin on my necklace, but they touched nothing but skin. I remembered I tore it off and threw it at Frankie, a wide-eyed, heartbroken, crying Frankie. The pain in my chest whenever I thought of her made me hurt enough to want to puke. I needed to block her out. I fucked up so bad that I knew I couldn’t fix it so I had to find an escape. I needed to use.
“I can’t leave Southwold.”
“We shouldn’t have fucking come back here,” Angel stated. “We shouldn’t have let you talk us into it. We should have stayed in London, not here. This place, that woman . . . she fucking rules you. Look at you because of her.”
“Don’t put his actions on Frankie,” May warned Angel. “He’s hurt her just as much as she’s hurt him. The only difference,” his eyes cut to mine, “is that she never went out of her way to break his heart like he has done to her.”
I felt an inch big as May projected an expression of disgust and disappointment my way. He has looked at me many ways before but he had never looked at me with such indifference. He was my best friend, he always had my back even when I didn’t deserve it, but it looked like he wasn’t making excuses for me anymore.