“You don’t know them . . . you don’t hear me.”
As long as I lived, I knew I’d never forget the raw pain in his voice. It was as if his very centre, his reason for being, was snatched away from him.
I couldn’t take the way he was staring at me, like I had just upended his entire world. I looked from him and out to the sea of faces who looked angry as they stuck their fingers up at me, angrily shook their fists and shouted words that blended to nothing but rage-filled noise. I looked back at Risk, whimpered when I saw how broken he looked, then I turned and ran off the stage and right by a red-faced Chris and a wide-eyed Tobias.
I ran and ran until I burst into a random bathroom and slammed the door behind me, locking it.
I fumbled for my inhaler, grabbed my blue one and inhaled some medicine to open up my airways. My chest was tightening so I focused only on breathing until I could draw in a deep breath without struggling. I inhaled a few puffs of my brown inhaler, then I capped them both and put them back into my bag. The music from the band was still playing and I could hear Risk singing. I didn’t realise I was crying until banging sounded on the door behind me.
“Frankie?”
“P-Please,” I sobbed. “Just leave me a-alone.”
Tobias’s sigh was loud and clear.
“I’ll be right outside,” he told me. “Take as long as you need. Do you have your inhalers.”
“Yes,” I choked. “I have them, I’m fine.”
I was far from fucking fine.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Risk brought me on stage and I humiliated him and the band. The look in his beautiful eyes when he pleaded with me to sing one word of his song, any song, haunted me. I cut him like a blade. He wasn’t simply disappointed in me, he was deeply hurt. I saw how his face dropped when I couldn’t sing a single word. He looked defeated. I cried harder knowing I had hurt him in the one place where I knew he felt free . . . on stage.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed by, but eventually there was no music coming from the stage. Tobias had banged on the door to check on me several times, each time I told him to leave me alone. He didn’t leave though. Risk made me his responsibility and he took that seriously. My hands were shaking and my tears had dried onto my cheeks. I stood up and looked in the mirror. I looked disgusting. My eye make-up was ruined, twin trails of mascara ran down my cheeks and down onto my neck. I reached into my bag, grabbed the face wipes I brought with me and wiped away the make-up until the face I was used to seeing stared back at me.
My eyes were swollen and red, my cheeks were blotchy and my yellowing, fading bruise was on display for all to see too. Overall I looked like a train wreck.
I threw the used wipes into the bin, walked over to the door, unlocked then stepped out into the hall. Tobias was leaning against the wall facing the bathroom. His straightened up the second I opened the door. He shoved his phone into his pocket. His brown eyes stared at me with concern.
“I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not.”
I sniffled. “You’re right, I’m not, but I need to see Risk.”
I had to explain myself, I had to make him understand why I didn’t know his songs. I had to. I didn’t wait for Tobias to respond, I turned and began walking. He cursed and jogged to reach my side. He directed me where I needed to go when I didn’t know which turn to take. I looked up when I heard a voice shouting.
“You!”
I braced myself against the venom I knew was coming my way.
“You’re fucking lucky you didn’t ruin the entire show.”
I swallowed. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen, Chris.”
“Bullshit,” he snapped, making me flinch. “You humiliated Risk and the band. Original Sinner my ass. You’ve been fucking Risk this past week and you’re telling me you don’t know one Blood Oath song? One?”
“My relationship with Risk is none of your business.” I lifted my chin. “It’s no one’s but mine and his.”
“His life belongs to the public, you stupid fucking bitch,” Chris snapped, his face getting redder by the second. “I’ve worked overtime this past week calming the fans because you wanted to dry hump Risk on some shitty pier and just when that’s blown over, you fuck up his first sober show. Are you shitting me?”
Each shouted word made me flinch.
“Ease up, Chris,” Tobias practically growled. “Risk is a big boy, he made his decision. You get paid to do your job, not dictate his life.”