It was easy to take a scalpel to my own wounds after hearing the extent of his. “I had surgery to try to fix my fertility issues.”
“Oh, Lena,” he murmured, sliding closer so he could wrap an arm gently around my shoulders for a sideways hug. “That’s good news, right?”
“It should be. I only have one ovary left after an ectopic pregnancy, and we were worried they’d have to take out the other because of a few large cysts, but Monica said they were able to save it. Monica, she’s an old friend and one of the best women’s doctors in the city, seems to think I might be able to conceive naturally or with some help with IVF when I’m ready.”
“You’ll be a wonderful mama,” he replied instantly. “You were a great one for us, and you were only a kid.”
I submerged myself in his praise like sinking into a hot bath, my flesh, blood, and bones warmed through by his words.
“Thank you,” I said empathetically. “Sometimes, lately, I’ve wondered.” I hesitated. “Have you met her?”
He knew without clarifying who I meant.
“Yes, she’s beautiful,” he told me, gentle but firm. “They already call her Genny. She has red hair like Gigi, just a little lighter than yours, but Sinclair’s blue eyes. She can’t do much of anything yet, you know, except fart and smile, eat and sleep, but she’s a cute little thing.”
I knew she would be cute and lovely like Giselle had been as a baby. I’d expected the words to tear through me like a windstorm, eviscerating the ramshackle walls I’d built around that pain. Instead, I felt only a profound sense of loss.
“I don’t know how I’ll feel when I meet her,” I admitted. “It’s hard to imagine hating a baby.”
“You don’t have to,” he suggested mildly. “But I think we all understand how hard it is for you, Lena. Per la misera, the man you thought was the love of your life left you for your sister. It’s like something out of one of Mama’s soaps.”
It was hard not to laugh around Seb, even talking about something so painful. “Do you understand, though? I felt like when it happened, you and Cosima were team Giselle.”
Sebastian huffed. “There were no teams. You are both our sisters, and we love you. It was just…It was easier for us to see that you and Daniel weren’t as well suited in reality as you seemed on paper.” He hesitated before admitting in a soft voice that struck me like a hammer to the soul. “Gigi has always been so…dreamy and fragile. She has an artist’s soul and all of us, you included, safeguarded her from the bad things as much as we could. I think it became a habit. It was harder to be angry with her for hurting you, especially when she was doing it because she was in love, than it was to be angry with you for being cruel to her about it. It wasn’t fair, Lena, and I’m sorry it’s been one in a long line of circumstances that have made you feel unloved.”
It was probably surprising how much comfort I took from his words. Not because I felt they were just, but because they validated what I’d always wondered.
“I was cruel,” I could admit as I wrapped my arms around myself. “But can you imagine what it felt like to have not one but two men prefer your younger sister to you?”
“No, though Christopher was more monster than man.”
A sharp laugh tore itself out of my throat and fell bloody between us. “You don’t know the half of it.”
“You could tell me,” he suggested, his body coiled tight on the bed beside me, as if Christopher was in the room and he was about to duel him for my honor. “It eats at me all the time that I didn’t know what he was doing to my sisters. I’m the brother, il padre di famiglia. I should have protected you.”
“Seb,” I soothed, reaching out to pat his handsome cheek, remembering how round it had been as a boy when I gave him the nickname little potato. “I was the eldest. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean it wasn’t my responsibility to protect you even from information that could hurt you. There’s no point in rehashing it all now, though. It’s in the past. He’s in prison for assaulting Giselle, and he should remain there for a very long time.”
“So, you never think of him?” he pressed skeptically.
Only every few days now, I thought but didn’t say.
Still, Seb read my silence and grunted unhappily. “I hope one day you share it with someone you love, even if it’s not me.”
“I think this has been enough for one night,” I joked weakly, wincing at a pang in my belly.