I’m going to live in a cave and do wolfy things even though I’m not a wolf.
I’m going to live in the shadow of my brother because he almost destroyed this pack and now, anytime people look at me, they’re reminded of him.
They’re reminded of what he stood for.
They’re reminded of who he was and how he tore them apart.
“I was thinking that I don’t know if the pack will ever accept me,” I tell Germaine.
“Oh, sweetie.” She pats me on the leg, and it’s all I can do to keep from crying. “Everyone just needs a little time to adjust. There have been a lot of big changes around here lately.”
“I know. Nash is a great leader. He’ll get everyone in line. I know it. It’s just that…”
“Go on, you can tell me.”
“It’s just that I don’t know if I really fit in here.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“I’m fat,” I blurt out. “And I’m human. And I can’t shift. And I don’t know about the customs and traditions of the pack. How am I supposed to be a good mate to Nash if I don’t even understand the importance of running as a pack?” Ryder seems to think it will help everyone become more unified, but what about me? How am I supposed to find my place if I can’t shift and run with them?
“You’re human,” Germaine agrees with a soft sigh. She stands up and motions for me to hand her the red gown. I place it in her hands and she begins to fold it up and place it in a dress box. “No one cares if you’re fat. I just wanted you to fit in the dress. That was a silly dream of mine, and I’m sorry if I was cruel to you about your weight.”
“Um, what?” Is she actually apologizing? I’m not sure what to do. I certainly wasn’t fishing for an apology from Aunt Germaine, although I’m not going to complain that she gave me one.
“Sweetie, you’re exactly what this pack needs. You’re what Nash needs. You might not feel like you fit in, but we don’t need more people who fit in. We need people who stand out, who aren’t afraid to do what’s right. When Nash challenged Jeffrey for the pack, he did what was right. You both did. You stood by his side, honey. I saw you. You were with him all the way, no matter what it cost you.”
Aunt Germaine wraps me up in a warm hug and for a moment, all my thoughts and worries are completely forgotten. Then I remember I’m standing in front of Nash’s aunt and I’m in my underwear.
“Um, Aunt Germaine?” I ask, carefully pulling myself from her arms. “I need my clothes.”
“Nonsense,” she smiles. “What do you say we find you something nice for the wedding?” She asks kindly. “Something that fits you, hmm?”
I nod. “That sounds great.”
It sounds perfect.
***
A knock sounds at the door and Aunt Germaine stands up from where she was kneeling, placing pins in the new dress she found for me. It’s light blue and strapless. The gown falls just past my knees and reminds me of a cocktail dress, but fancier. The lace overlay makes me feel like a princess.
“Come in,” Aunt Germaine calls out, but she’s only looking at me.
“Hey, I just wanted to let you know the pack has returned from the hunt and-oh!” The voice cuts off abruptly as the woman from the meeting last week comes into view. “It’s you,” she says with a smile.
“And it’s you,” I say coolly. She wasn’t mean to me, but she was the one who warned me that Tessa has been in the pack longer than me.
“You must think I was a real bitch that morning,” she says with a grin. “I can smell your anger.”
“You can?” I ask. I’ll never get used to that. While I’m sort of getting used to the fact that Nash can smell me, it’s different when other wolves scent me. It’s so personal. I sometimes feel like I’m walking around with a giant neon sign on my forehead that’s advertising my emotions to the world around me.
Anger it says. Sadness. Sometimes it flashes Happiness.
But mostly, I think these days I’m just Confused.
“Yeah,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. She might not realize it, but this just makes her boobs look bigger because she’s essentially pushing them right up. An image of her offering them to me flashes through my mind, but I push it away.
The wolves are very sexually open, but I’m still human. Even if Nash was okay with me being with another girl, I doubt any of the women here would want to be with a human. It’s not really their way. It’s sort of forbidden, looked down upon.