“Don’t you ever fucking come near me again,” I’d snarled as he gathered himself up off the floor. He swayed a little, then staggered out of the room, leaving my bedroom door wide open. When I got up to shut it, I heard him opening another beer. About an hour after that, as I lay there, wide awake, I heard my mother come in. That would have been the time to tell her, but then she laughed loudly at something Bill had said, and I knew the moment was gone. Even if I had run out there and told her, there was still a good chance she wouldn’t have believed me. Not that I hadn’t later tried to bring up the matter, but it had always gone poorly. My mother’s ego was too frail to be able to withstand that sort of accusation; she’d be less concerned about the fact that some guy had tried to do something with her daughter than the fact that the guy in question was apparently choosing me over her. I had never wanted to be competitive with my mother, but I knew she felt that way with me, especially as we’d both gotten older.
The food had turned out great, better than I had thought, but it was hard to sit there and pretend like I wasn’t completely bothered by the fact that Bill was there. It was particularly enraging that he and Cole seemed to have an easy time talking together. When they finally announced that they were leaving, it was all I could do not to jump for joy.
“That was delicious,” my mother said. “And so glad that we were finally able to spend some time with you, Cole. And you too, of course, Declan,” she added, almost as an afterthought. She looked around the yard. “You know, I suppose there is something sort of quaint about up here, that whole back-to-nature vibe and everything. But next time, you guys should plan on coming down to the city, what do you say? We could go to a nice restaurant, do a little exploring.” She looked at Declan. “Have you ever been to LEGOLAND?”
“No,” Declan said, his eyes wide. “There is such a place?”
“There most certainly is. And I bet if you guys came down to visit us in Boston, we’d be able to go there!”
After they left, Cole looked at me, a little skeptically. “Does your mother really want to take Declan to LEGOLAND?” he asked. “I don’t mean any offense by this or anything, but she doesn’t really seem to be the sort of person who, I don’t know, would like to go to a place like that.”
I laughed. “No offense taken. And no, she’s not, but I think her main objective is to get us to come down to the city.”
“I’m pretty sure I told her that I’d lived there when I was going to school.”
“Oh, I’m sure you did, but she’s probably assuming that if we go back down there and you let her show you around, then you’ll fall in love with the city all over again and just have to move back there.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Yeah, don’t worry. Me neither.”
“Your mom seems nice, though. Your stepdad didn’t really say much—he’s not much of a talker, is he?”
I stared off into the darkness, listening to the peepers somewhere in the distance. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get into that whole story about Bill. “We don’t always get along,” I finally said.
“I could tell. I think that can be kind of common with stepparents.”
“It’s not that,” I said. I didn’t want him to think this was some case of us not getting along simply because he wasn’t my father yet he was married to my mother. “He basically tried to sexually assault me when I was 15.”
“What?”
“We’d had an all right relationship before that, but then that happened, and things obviously haven’t been the same since.”
“Shit. And your mom stayed with him?”
“She doesn’t know it happened. It wouldn’t go over with her very well. And it’s not like anything happened anyway, so it’s better to just let these things go. I’m sure he’d just deny it. And my mom wouldn’t be able to handle it anyway.”
Cole let out a deep breath. “I know how that is. But damn, Allie. That’s kind of messed up—we just had dinner with the guy. I should’ve fucking clocked him.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. He probably doesn’t even remember that it happened, which doesn’t make it better or anything, but—”
“Is that why you’re a virgin?” Cole asked suddenly.
“Excuse me?” I said, laughing. “Where did that even come from?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “It just seems like that might have something to do with it. Even if nothing happened that night, you might still be harboring some of that trauma—”
“I’m not traumatized by it. Maybe I was a little then, but it was almost 10 years ago at this point.”
“People can carry that sort of shit with them their whole lives.”
“Please. I don’t need you to psychoanalyze me right now. I’m a virgin because I haven’t yet met any guy I was interested in sleeping with.”
“Until now?”
I stared at him. “Does it feel nice to be that full of yourself? I might not mind your company, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you.” Which was completely untrue, of course, but he didn’t have to know that.
He gave me a chagrined look. “You’re right—it was presumptuous. Though that night we kissed—no one’s ever bitten me like that before. That’s gotta mean something, right?”