"What?"
"It's wavy when you don't straighten it," he said.
"It's messy."
"I like messy," he insisted. I found my hairdryer finally and pulled it out of my bag.
"Messy means a rat’s nest in the morning," I told him, heading for the stairs. "I'll be right back."
"Hurry up," he said. He was smiling but clearly worn out. I'll be fast, I thought. I just needed my hair dry before sleeping on it. I went back to the living area with my hairdryer and plugged it into one of the outlets. Besides, falling asleep next to him was exactly what I wanted to do. Yeah, because tomorrow...
There was no more time to put it off, pretend like every time I had been sent here hadn't been for a reason. I had to tell him, and it had to be tomorrow. No exceptions. He’d finally know the truth, I thought. He deserved it, but that didn't mean I wanted to be the one who delivered it.
I hurried getting my hair dry. Tonight had been perfect; I wasn't ruining it at the last hurdle. I'd go up there and fall asleep in his arms. Tomorrow... I'd deal with that when the sun came up.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cameron
How long had it been? I wondered. I smoothed her hair back, kissing her temple. How long had it been since I had woken up with someone in my bed?
That morning last week after we had had sex didn't count. She had been regretful that time, said she hadn't wanted me to touch her again. She didn't feel like that anymore, and thank god for that. It had been years since I had woken up next to someone. I had never lived with any of my girlfriends in the past, but we had had sleepovers so... Just like this, I realized.
Only in the past, I had wanted that to change; in this case, I didn't. I ran a hand up and down her arm. Her back was against my chest, and both of us were dressed. I vaguely remembered her coming to bed the night before after she had said she wanted to blow-dry her hair. I had been too tired to do anything but sleep when I felt her next to me. After spending all day harvesting wood, then the two rounds we had already had, I just hadn't had another in me.
I wondered whether... no, I'd let her sleep. I kissed her lightly again and eased myself off the bed, careful not to wake her. I walked down the steps to the fireplace, to warm the cabin up. I looked out the window to see whether anything had come down the night before. Not much, I assessed, not enough to keep Natalie here the way it had last week.
Too bad.
She had said that this time was just meant to be a short visit. I got that she had a life and making a trek up here whenever she wanted to see me wasn't the most convenient arrangement, but things had started looking a little different lately.
I knew that I liked her, I mean, I had been attracted to her before we had ever spoken to each other. And then she had shown up here, and the storm had happened, snowing us in. It hadn't started then, not yet. It had taken her leaving the first time and me missing her to realize what had probably been going on for longer than I thought.
Natalie Cooke was the first woman that I had felt about in this way in a long time. The only thing keeping me from asking her to stay was knowing she had to leave. Even then, I had already asked her to come back. Since she couldn't stay, I'd be making that request again. Maybe even making my own plans to go down to Provo and see her.
There was something there with her, something that was big enough that I couldn't ignore it. I didn't think I had ever met a woman like her before. She didn't hide who she was from me. She was real. She was honest, and she understood me. I didn't want to get ahead of myself, but I was thinking how to make sure the woman asleep in my bed right now would be back there sooner rather than later.
My thoughts got away from me making the coffee. I couldn't speak for a month from now, but right then, all I wanted was to do this with her, again and again. I wanted to get up in the morning and know that even if she wasn't waking up next to me, she was closer than a three or four-hour drive away.
You know the easiest way to make sure of that, I thought, filling our mugs of coffee. Go back. It's as simple as that. Go back to Provo. I didn't know whether my house there had sold yet, and that place had just been about ten minutes from where she lived. If it had sold already, no big deal, I could get another place. Or we could move in together, I thought recklessly. How about that? I had never wanted to live with anyone in the past, but with Natalie...
She'd probably think it was too soon. I couldn't tell her that. We could start talking about it, figure something out that worked for both of us if she felt the same way. I took the steps back up to the loft and saw Natalie on the bed. She was sitting up and noticed me coming towards her. She was beautiful when she woke up, still sleepy, her hair a little messy and her lips swollen.
"Morning, babe," I said. She smiled at me.
"Hey. Is one of those for me?" she asked. She thanked me, taking the cup. I sat on the bed, facing her. "How did you get up before I did?" she asked. I shrugged. Thinking about it, I probably should have been more tired than I felt, but I wasn't. I felt great. Yesterday had taken a turn for the better, and I wasn't sure I wanted to spend whatever time we had left asleep before I had to watch her leave again.
"Are you still tired?" I asked her.
"No, I'm just not really looking forward to getting back to the city today."
"What time do you want to leave?" I asked her.
"It has to be before noon, I'm afraid,” she said. I nodded.
"Are you hungry?" I asked. "I can get breakfast started."
"I'm alright, but you go ahead," she said.