I told Brett that I would handle it. He thanked me before leaving again. I stared at my computer, feeling heavy. I had another drive up the snowy mountains to see Cameron, and that wasn't even the part that bothered me the most. I didn't want to be the one to do this to him, but what choices were there? What was left? I could have just done it when I had been meant to, and this whole morning wouldn't have even happened. All of last week wouldn't have happened either, then, I realized, thinking about it. A lot had happened, most of which I wouldn't give anything to take back. No, none of it which I would have wanted to take back.
That night... I'd never forget sitting in front of the fire with him afterward, quiet, just enjoying each other's company. If he saw me again, what would he think? He had asked me to come visit him, but he probably hadn't meant so soon after the first one. This time, he probably wouldn't be so glad to see me, and I wouldn't blame him for it.
I stood and started packing up, ready to head back home. At least this time I'd get to carry a fucking hairdryer.
The weather hadn't been too bad over the weekend, lucky me, I guessed, turning off the road onto the mountain trail. It would be a little while before I was there. I had thought while at home packing very seriously about calling the satellite phone I had left him with and talking to him like that, but had decided against it.
Why? The short answer was I wanted to see him again despite the circumstances that brought me back up here again. The longer answer was I wanted to at least let him hear this from someone he knew cared about him. I could already see where this would go. He would feel like this had been the plan all along, to get his decision about the company. He probably thought that already, even though we hadn't talked about it at all yet.
He was no fool. He knew who he was and what he meant to a lot of people, and he knew that his days up here in his little kingdom were numbered. He just wanted peace, to be separated from that even if that separation was temporary. I hated to be the one to get in the way of his alone time, but I had to be. If that was the way it was, then at least he would know that I didn't like telling him what I had to say any more than he would like hearing it.
I had pack
ed enough for one night and one day. This would not turn into another week-long staycation. With a definite timeline, I wouldn't be able to take my time out there, pretending I hadn't come to say what I had come to say. No distractions this time. No long conversations by the fire, no sitting up with hot cocoa just being with each other. None of that. Strictly business. The thought made me cringe. How had I managed to get to this place with him? What a fucking mess.
How would he react? Thinking about that occupied my mind for the rest of the steady incline up the road to Cameron's cabin. The snow looked like it had been recently plowed, probably by one of Cameron's neighbors. I had my fingers crossed for as much luck tomorrow when I would make this trip yet again.
Might as well move in at this point, I thought, finally getting to the fork in the road that meant I was almost there. It had already started getting dark. Nerves began to set in the closer I got. What did I say to him? What did I do when I saw him again? It had only been days; he would have to have some suspicions about why I was back already. If he didn’t think that the last visits weren’t because of Brett, he’d have to know that this one was. It was a fucking Monday; he’d know that the only way I would have even gotten permission to be out here would have been through Brett. He’d see right through me.
If turning back had been an option, then I would have taken it. I saw the opening in the trees to his driveway and took it, driving back onto the property. I parked next to his truck and killed the engine. Okay, how long could I wait in here before it looked weird? I opened the door and got out, walking out into the snow. I had come prepared in more than enough layers.
I was about to go over to the house, but I stopped at the stairs seeing him on the porch. The tarp was pulled off of his wood pile, and he was stacking newly split logs. It had grown since I had last seen it a few days ago; had he gone out to harvest lately? Impressive. Winter was the hardest time to do it. I looked down on the ground where he had his chopping block. The maul was stuck in the wood and stood up against the side of the porch were two sizeable logs. He must have found a tree today; I had caught him right in the middle of chopping it up. I started up the steps instead of saying anything. He heard me and looked up. The shock passed over his face quickly, then disappeared, replaced by a smile.
"Natalie," he said, putting the couple logs he had in his hands down and dusting his hands off on his pants. He was in just a sweater, and even had the sleeves rolled up. It was possible to work up a sweat, even in the snow.
"Caught you in the middle of something," I said as he walked over.
"You're here," he said, almost incredulously. "Did you even make it back down before turning around?"
"I don't know; you didn't call to check on me." He shrugged, looking a little guilty.
"You're back. I don't have to now."
"Just because you're out here alone doesn't mean you're allowed to forget how to act like a normal human being," I said, mock-scolding him.
"You're right, where are my manners," he said, walking over to the door and opening it for me. "Welcome back." I smiled and walked inside. This fucking place; it had gotten so familiar over just the past week, and here I was again. The wooden interior, the familiar sound of the fire, the smells that always seemed to linger of wood and coffee. I heard him behind me and turned. He was standing in the doorway, just standing there, looking at me.
"What?"
"Nothing," he said after a pause. He walked up and hugged me. My clothes didn't let me feel the heat coming from him through his light sweater, but it didn't matter. I sighed deeply, returning his embrace. "I'm glad you came." He let go of me and walked over to the fireplace.
Yeah, so was I.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Cameron
"You took that tree down alone?" Natalie asked.
"Yup. Cut the sucker down and threw the logs in the back of my truck," I told her. She was at the sink drying the plates we were going to use to have dinner on. I had been gone all day and hadn't been able to get to the dishes, and I hadn't been expecting company. I was happy she was here though. Surprised, but still.
"I don't think you did that. Not alone. I know you have neighbors further down the road. Did you get help?"
"Nope."
"You can tell me if you did. I won't judge. Harvesting wood is a usually a group effort anyway." She was saying it the way you'd encourage a child who you thought was lying to tell you the truth. Letting them know you wouldn't hate them for being untruthful. I checked the cook on our steaks and flipped each one over.
"There's nothing to tell," I said.