“I know what this is like right now, Ana. I know the out of control feeling. I know what it’s like to wake up from your sleep sweating and urgently looking around to make sure you’re safe. I know more than you give me credit for.”
Nate’s words were gentle, calm, and firm. I released everything that was inside of me. The tears poured out as my sobbing continued. I hadn’t been hugged like that in a really long time. No expectations from Nate. No wanting me to be someone I wasn’t. He just held onto me and let me release everything that had built up over the past months.
I probably cried for a good ten minutes with Nate’s arms around me. It felt insanely comforting. When I couldn’t cry anymore, I pushed myself away from him and looked up into his eyes. I expected to find compassion, but what I found was pain and tears.
“Thank you,” I said as he released me and I went back outside.
The four of us spent the rest of the day talking about what was coming up. We worked out a plan for me to come stay with Jordan and Chase and see how things went. If things didn’t turn out, then I’d come back to the house and give it a try on my own. I didn’t feel like either decision was the right one. In fact, I would rather go with Nate to Syria than stay and battle the demons inside my head alone.
Chapter Ten
NATE
The curve of her body haunted me at night. I had behaved myself for the last week and not done the things my mind was constantly thinking of. Since she had kissed me on that first night, I wanted Ana. But I wanted her in a way I wasn’t even familiar with.
Of course I wanted to have her naked in my bed. But I was able to hold back my lust better than I had thought I would be able to. Watching Ana get better each day she was at my house made me proud. Being there as her friend and not pushing her into something more physical was exactly what she needed.
We only had two days until it was time for me to head out on my work trip and I had to keep focused on what was best for her. At the moment, it was teaching her self-defense and attack skills that would build up her own self confidence. I wanted to leave and feel like Ana really was going to be all right.
I had thought about cancelling my trip. It had crossed my mind more than once, but I needed to prove to Resolve Oil Incorporated that I was their man. They had facilities in Syria and their new facility in Dubai, but they also had several, small contract facilities that they hired my firm to help protect. If I could land them as a client, my new company would be guaranteed to do well. This job wasn’t just about my new company though; there were at least a dozen people and their families who were pretty much trapped in Damascus, Syria. These people were certainly going to get murdered by the rebels if they didn’t get out of there soon.
“Should we try the back kick?” I asked Ana as we worked on the heavy bag in my makeshift gym.
“I always feel like I’m going to fall over when I’m doing this one.”
“Spread your legs apart a little more. This one is essential to learn. If someone is coming after you with a knife or something, you can kick them easier than you can hit them. Give me ten.”
Ana was much better at all the tasks we had tried than she would give herself credit for. She moved around expertly as she kicked the bag. I, of course, couldn’t help but watch the curve of her ass as she lifted her leg and thrust it toward the bag. She had power, more than anyone her size normally would have. Plus, Ana w
as determined.
Ever since Jordan and Chase had visited last, Ana had amped up her determination to get better. She still had episodes where she seemed really paranoid, but they were getting farther apart. Just that morning, I had found her looking out the window and intently watching the woods. She said it was nothing, but I knew better.
The two of us didn’t spend much time talking about what had happened with her or what her nightmares were about. I didn’t feel like it was necessary and I knew I hated to talk about those things in my own life. Instead, we enjoyed the quiet together. It seemed odd that being quiet could be so helpful, but I honestly felt like it had helped her in her healing process.
“Did you just tell me to spread my legs?” Ana joked.
“Oh, come on now. Pay attention to your form. If that dude was trying to kill you, he would have already grabbed you. Eyes on the bag.”
Oh, how I would have loved to spread those legs of hers though. The idea that I could have her naked in my bed flooded my brain and my body reacted with a pulse. I couldn’t remember a time that I had been so attracted to a woman and not had her by then. Usually, if I wanted a woman, I went after her and sooner or later she was mine.
This situation was much more complicated though. I wanted Ana, I wanted her very much, but I also didn’t want her. I didn’t want me to be the reason she didn’t get better. So, no matter how many fantasies and dreams I had about her naked in my bed, I pushed them down and ignored them.
In recent days, I felt like Ana was flirting with me. Not just the comment she had just made, but other things she had done. But then again, she had already kissed me and I had turned her down. Everything was a bit confusing for me now.
My eyes glazed over as I watched her kick the bag over and over again. Each swing of the leg followed by her grunting at the bag as if she would kill it if it dared come any closer. Her kicks were strong and her focus determined. Of course, she still had a lot to learn, but I started to feel more and more confident that she would be able to protect herself if anything were to happen to her again. Well, that was if she could get past the mental suffering of another traumatic event.
“How do you strangle someone? Can you kill them that way or will they just pass out?” Ana asked with her last kick.
Her body glistened with sweat as she grabbed a towel and started to stretch her legs in front of me. She wasn’t purposely teasing me, but I felt like her body was still tempting me as she stood only a few feet away.
“You’ve got to really hate someone to kill them that way. It takes a lot of strength, and for you, probably a lot of adrenaline as well.”
“Trust me, if Stephano or any of his men attack me, I’ll be filled with plenty of hate. Teach me what to do.”
Her fascination with killing people didn’t bother me at all, although I was positive that Jordan wouldn’t like the things I was teaching Ana. But Ana was still in danger, and I had no problem teaching her the things she needed to know. I would much rather have her be able to hurt or kill someone than to feel helpless. Even if she never used a single skill that I taught her, they were helping her confidence grow.
“Come here,” I said as I stood up.