“You need to eat and sleep.”
I laughed at him. They were absolutely ridiculous conditions; of course I was going to eat and sleep. But then I thought about the last 48 hours and realized I hadn’t done either of those things. It was funny to me that he didn’t question my desire to learn such horrible skills, but I figured he probably knew lots of ways to kill a person, and maybe even had used them in the past.
“Deal.”
“Then we will start after you eat your lunch and take a nap,” Nate said as he walked back into the house.
“Can I ask you something?” I said.
“Sure.”
“You’re going to take that job in Syria, aren’t you?”
He paused, and I saw him thinking about the question. He didn’t seem to really know if he wanted to take the job or not. But something told me that Nate wasn’t the kind of guy who said no to any task. Even if it was extremely dangerous.
“Probably.”
“If you show me the area you will be going to, I can see if I’m familiar with it at all,” I offered.
“Sure, the intel we get is really old most of the time. But I’ll let you have a look before I go.”
“When would you leave?”
“I’m not sure. I’d have to actually call the boss man and figure all of that out.”
“Why would you take a job like that, Nate? I mean, I don’t want to sound naïve; I’m sure it pays well. But you’re not hurting for money. Is it for the rush? Is it some sort of high you get from being in those dangerous places? I understand that. I really do. But isn’t there some other place you could go or some other job you could take?”
My words rambled on and I felt my sentences blending together as my thoughts just fell out of me. I wanted them to stop. I didn’t want to question his decisions. Who was I to do that? But I couldn’t stop thinking that he didn’t understand how dangerous Syria really was.
“There’s always other jobs, but I like mine. I have errands to run; I’ll see you after your nap.”
Nate clearly wasn’t interested in continuing our conversation as he made his way into his bedroom and shut the door. I heard him on the phone, but couldn’t quiet hear what he was saying.
I stood with my ear to the door, trying to make out the words. Not because I really needed to know his business, but because I wanted to know. I didn’t really understand Nate very well and I felled compelled to figure him out. It was probably just some sort of defense mechanism so I wouldn’t think about myself as much, but I continued listening at his door nonetheless.
“Two weeks sounds good. I’ve got a situation going on at home and that will give me some time to get it straightened out,” Nate said on the phone. “Talk to you then, thanks.”
I rushed into
my room and tried to close the door as quietly as possible when I heard Nate walk toward his door. My adrenaline was pumping and I felt like a child about to get caught for doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing.
“You better be in bed!” Nate hollered as he came out of his room. “I’m running to the store, do you need anything?”
“Um…no, I’m all right.”
“I’ll be back shortly. Take your nap.”
He said it in an authoritative way that normally I would have reacted to, but after the morning’s events, I was actually starting to feel pretty damn tired. I scarfed down the rest of the sandwich that was in my room and curled up under the covers. With Nate out of the house, it was extremely quiet, and as my eyes closed, I couldn’t help thinking that there was no way I could fall asleep alone in his house or with so much quiet going on around me.
***
It was dark when I finally woke up and I knew I had slept for a very long time. My body ached all over as I rolled to the side of the bed and started to climb out. Sleep hadn’t been my thing for a very long time. Even in the safety of the treatment facility, I hadn’t been able to get a really good night’s sleep. My muscles hurt, in a good way, as I opened the door and made my way out to the kitchen.
Nate was hard at work in the kitchen and I assumed he was making dinner. But I soon realized he was making breakfast, and as I looked at the clock, I saw that it was four o’clock in the morning. I had slept for over sixteen hours.
“Is it morning?” I asked just to verify my foggy brain was registering everything correctly.
“Well, I don’t know if I would call it morning exactly. But it is after midnight.”