Chapter Sixteen
ROXANNE
Jackson’s body was sweaty, and mine was freezing. I felt like I needed another shower, but I was so cold that so there was no way I was getting up out of bed. We finally crawled under all the covers and I tucked myself in next to Jackson.
“So, what’s the plan tomorrow?” I asked as I cuddled up next to Jackson.
“Well, we are going to try and sell PJ to Stephano.”
I didn’t like the plan at all, but I wasn’t sure if it was because I didn’t like PJ or if I really didn’t like the plan. PJ seemed nice enough, but she was pretty full of herself. Perhaps she was even a little overly confident about her abilities with Stephano.
It was a little excessive to say I didn’t like PJ. I liked her, I just didn’t know what she was doing there with us. If she was a bigwig with the CIA, she could have organized a legal raid of Stephano’s house. Why was she going with us on our little search for one girl?
My gut said that she and Jackson probably had some sort of history that she was trying to make up for or something like that. I wasn’t sure; I could have just been totally off base and imagining things. Perhaps, PJ was genuinely just there because she cared and thought she could help.
I did have a long history of thinking the worst about people. As much as Jackson thought I was a sucker for being nice to people, I actually wasn’t all that nice, at all. Since meeting him, I had been much more understanding and kind than I remember being to anyone in the last several years.
No one in that room knew Stephano like I knew him. They didn’t understand how ruthless he could be or that money was clearly the only thing he valued. Stephano was a creature and not a human.
“Do you think it’s the best plan?”
Jackson sat up and let my head slip from his shoulder down to his stomach as I continued to lay there. It was nice to have him in my bed, comfortable even. His warm skin next to mine was something that I didn’t get to feel very often. Plus, the way he looked at me gave me shivers. I could see the desire he had for me and it made me see myself in a whole different life.
The desire in his eyes gave me confidence, but it also made me want to prove to him that I was worthy. Not worthy as a human being, I knew I was a good person, at least, currently. But I wanted to be worthy of Jackson, I wanted to be the type of woman he would keep around. Life with him would be fun and I knew it.
“I’m not sure what the best plan is. Do you think our plan isn’t good?”
“It feels rushed. I don’t know if PJ understands what she’s getting into. You and Nate can’t protect her once she’s in his house alone with him.”
Jackson shook his head as if he understood what I was trying to say. He had seen firsthand what Stephano and his men were willing to do with women. He had seen me strangled because of a simple issue with the back room of the club. I knew Jackson understood just how dangerous Stephano was. I hoped at least with him leading the events in the morning, everyone would be able to get out of there safely. I especially hoped that Ana would get home safely. I could only imagine the trauma she had been through over the last few weeks.
“Are you still upset that you haven’t got to participate more in finding Ana?” Jackson asked as his fingers combed through my hair.
The touch of his hands on my body had been a calming action more than once. I loved the feeling of someone playing with my hair. It reminded me of being young and my mother stroking my head when I went to sleep.
“I’m not upset. I just don’t want Chase to have to pay me if I didn’t do anything helpful. I’m not the kind of person who likes handouts.”
Jackson laughed a deep husky laugh that I felt all the way in his stomach.
“You have been very helpful. Sometimes working as a team is about giving just a little bit. But that little bit you give makes everything else work out perfectly.”
“I just don’t feel useful.”
I hated the feelings that had been running through me since I met Jackson. There were so many mixed emotions that I had never felt before. It overwhelmed me and I could hardly handle dealing with them anymore. I really wanted to be the strong woman I was before, but I felt like a mess when I was around him. I felt like he had control over my heart and could smash it into pieces at any moment. I felt like a failure when it came to our job, too.
“One time, on a mission for the military, I had a broken femur and couldn’t make it past our landing point. I had to lay there in the dark while my men completed the mission without me. I felt beyond useless. As my men returned to our pick up location, they were celebrating that they had found the object we were sent to find. They weren’t paying attention to their surroundings, unlike me. I fired off one shot to the building behind them where I saw a sniper who was about to kill one of my men, maybe more than one before we would have seen him. If I hadn’t been on the ground and facing that direction, at least one of my men would have been dead. We work in teams for a reason, everyone is helpful.”
Jackson’s voice was steady and he obviously wanted me to feel like I was a useful member of the team. It was sweet how he acted with me now, nothing like when we first met. At that moment, he was more than the man of my dreams. Jackson seemed like the man I had always been afraid to dream about. Never had I been able to imagine a man like him would ever find his way into my life.
We talked well into the night as we shared stories of our past and funny things about our families. It was the most I could ever remember talking with another person. No one had ever been very close to me in my past and I had never wanted to share my life with them. But throughout the evening, I felt like I wanted to share my life with Jackson. I wanted him to know the real me and I wanted to test to see if that meant he would still stay around.
Being next to Jackson and talking to him without my big wall up was something so new to me. I felt exposed when I was with him. It started when we had first met and he knew so much about me without me even telling him. But then to see that he respected me despite my profession, that had been huge for me. I never expected to meet a man like him and I certainly didn’t expect that I would put all my protective walls down for him.
Finally, I couldn’t take it another moment longer and I climbed up onto my knees and straddled Jackson’s abdomen as I looked him in the eyes. He was so handsome. Not like regular guy handsome, either. Jackson could have been a movie start if he wanted to. His golden blond hair and blue eyes were mesmerizing, not to mention his firm body that was ripped with muscles.
“You are a damn good man, Jackson Foster,” I said as I
started to kiss him softly.