Jackson was a tall, blond, handsome guy. His deep blue eyes and muscular build was just what every woman wanted in her man. Not to mention the large body part that I had been stroking the night before.
Yes, I remembered what had happ
ened. I remembered my dream and I remembered feeling of him in my hand. I wanted Jackson more now than I had wanted him before, though. There was something so damn sexy about a guy that would swear off sex after losing a woman he cared about.
But the truth was, I was scared and I desperately wanted Jackson to stay in my bed with me again. I didn’t care if we did anything more than that kiss we had just had. I was terrified that Stephano was going to get into my room and kill me in my sleep.
It was an illogical fear; my brain knew it. Firstly, Stephano had no idea where to find me, and I had no real information that he even cared where I was. For all he knew, I had gone home after the club. The more I thought about it, I didn’t think he had ordered his goon to strangle me. I think that guy did it all on his own out of some sick idea of being loyal to Stephano.
I wasn’t really afraid. When I let my brain stop and think about the locks on the door and how hard it would be to figure out what room I was in, I knew better. But still, when I closed my eyes, I felt that man’s hands around my throat and it sent a feeling of panic throughout my body.
The pain in my neck still throbbed and when I tried to close my eyes, I felt like I couldn’t inhale. Panic filled my mind and I needed Jackson there to help me through the evening. He didn’t have to do a single thing besides lie next to me and I would even put a pillow between us to prevent my roaming hand from accosting him while he slept, if that was what he wanted.
As I pulled away from our kiss, I pulled Jackson closer to me. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wanted to lie naked next to him in my bed. I didn’t care about anything else at all, I just wanted to have something to take my mind off of the horrible memories that filled my head.
But Jackson kept pulling away from me and didn’t seem like he wanted to stay with me. When he held onto my hands and looked into my eyes, I felt like I could get lost in his deep blue gaze.
“I don’t think we should go any further,” he said. “But I’ll stay with you.”
I didn’t have the energy to ask him why or even push for him to go further. I was happy to just have him in my bed. My heart pounded at the thought of what we had done earlier in the evening. We had come as close as two people could get to having sex, and then we backed away from it. It was going to be weird to have him in my bed and neither of us touching each other.
We crawled under the covers fully clothed, and Jackson wrapped his arms around me. I felt safe and comfortable with him there. I felt like the whole day was melting away around me. I couldn’t remember a man ever giving up a night of sex to cuddle with me. It impressed me that Jackson was willing to do something so selfless. And, I was happy I he hadn’t asked me to put a pillow between us. The feeling of his arms wrapped around me was amazing.
“What was her name again?” I asked him.
“Rose.”
“How did she die?”
Jackson was silent for a minute and then I heard him take a deep breath.
“We were in Qatar. She went out to the farmer’s market without me, before I had woken up. I had told her it wasn’t safe to go out alone, but she snuck out anyways. She never returned. There were people looking for me, coming after me, and they killed her to get to me.”
I heard the sorrow in his voice, and I could tell she had meant a lot to him. I didn’t need to know anything more. My hands wrapped around his and I held onto him as we both drifted off to sleep. It wasn’t exactly an erotic evening or anything like that. But it was an intimate evening and that was enough for me.
The intimacy in my life had been non-existent for many years. It wasn’t like working as a stripper was a job where I would meet the man of my dreams and I knew that. I knew I had to just tough it out until I got myself into a better situation. But year after year came and went, and I never got myself into a better situation. I had felt so trapped before I met Chase, Jordan, and Jackson.
The previous night at the club felt so different to me. I didn’t need to be there anymore. I had an offer from Chase for $250,000. My life was going to be totally changed after we found Ana. There was a sense of relief in knowing that I could finally start my life over. Perhaps I wouldn’t even have to dance again. Because dancing that night hadn’t been fun at all.
Dancing when you don’t have to dance was a totally horrific experience. It felt like I was selling my soul on that stage. Then, when I saw Jackson walking to the private room with Ally, well, it was the last straw for me. I couldn’t take it another second.
I hated dancing, no matter how good I was at it.
As I finally drifted off to sleep, I vowed to not cry in front of Jackson again. I felt like I was turning into some needy woman who needed him by my side and that wasn’t who I wanted to be. I never wanted to need a man. I was stronger than most the men I knew.
Jackson, of course, was a far different case than most of the men I knew. He was strong, stable, and sensitive. He was more even tempered than any man I had ever met, and he smelled like a man. His smell hit my nose like a delightful range of scents that I couldn’t get enough of.
Throughout the night, as we stayed wrapped up in each other’s arms, I periodically smelled Jackson. Not like a little sniff of the man, no. I took in a long drawn out breath that filled my nostrils with his scent. I didn’t think he wore cologne or anything like that, his smell was more natural than that. Perhaps a combination of his shampoo, soap, and deodorant.
I didn’t sleep well that night, but it wasn’t because of nightmares or fear. Instead, my mind was wrapped up in the thoughts of Jackson and how he had loved this woman so much, he hadn’t slept with another woman since her death. It was extremely romantic and I hoped someday I would find a man who loved me that much. Obviously, I hoped I wouldn’t die, though.
We both tossed and turned as the daylight started to seep into the room through the curtains. My throat was incredibly sore, and I reached up to feel the tender bruise that I knew covered my neck. There would be no more dancing for me for a few days. At least Stephano would know I had a logical reason for taking the days off and I wouldn’t have to explain anything to him.
“How does it feel?” Jackson asked as he gently touched my neck.
“It’s sore, but I’ll be all right. I’ve had much worse.”
I didn’t want to say that and felt bad after I did. Jackson didn’t need to know about all the times I had been abused or beaten in my life. He wasn’t there to hear my sad story. He was there to help find Ana for his brother.