I sighed and shook my head. “I'm twenty-six years old. I would have thought that by now, I'd have a successful career and a decent place to live, and maybe I'd have a serious boyfriend. I didn't expect to have a kid, and as much as I love Emma and I'll never regret her coming into my life, it's just strange to be staying here with someone who I don't actually like, relying on him to take care of me and my daughter. But I don't have any other options.”
“Andrew can be difficult,” Janice said. “But he really is a good guy. He's not going to let you and Emma go without.” She was quiet for a moment. “I have one last question that I wanted to ask you regarding Emma. Does she know who Andrew is?”
I shook my head. “At the moment, given that we don't know what's going to happen in the future, I think it's best that she doesn't know. She's still so young, and I don't want her getting attached. For all I know, Andrew could change his mind in a week and ask us to leave.”
“He wouldn't do that,” Janice said.
I was quiet. “We can't stay here forever,” I said slowly. “Even if Andrew doesn't kick us out, eventually, I'm going to get a job and get back on my feet, and I'll have to find us someplace to live, someplace for just the two of us. I'm not sure what happens to Andrew at that point. I'm not sure what he's going to want to have happen at that point. If he's going to want to continue to be involved in Emma's life, or if he's going to pretend that none of this ever happened and that Emma doesn't exist.”
Janice sighed. “That does make sense,” she said.
“It's bad enough that I've had to bounce her from house to house,” I continued. “I don't even know how to explain that one to her, that we're not going to be living with Aunt Misty anymore because we're going to come live here. She's going to be so upset, even if I take her to see Misty once or twice a week. Not that I don't think she's going to enjoy it here. I know she had a good afternoon with you, and thanks again for that. But she's a child, and children should have a routine, shouldn't they?”
“There is something to routine,” Janice said pensively, nodding. “But it's just for a little while. It's not like you're going to keep moving her from place to place forever. And I really don't think Andrew is going to make you leave here until you're ready to find some stability on your own. Moving your kid a couple times is pretty normal. She's at an age where she probably won't even remember it very clearly.”
“That's what I'm hoping for,” I sighed. I took a sip of my tea. “Do you think being here is what's best for her?”
Janice raised both her hands. “I don't know what your situation is,” she said, and I gave myself a mental kick, because of course she didn't know all the reasons that we were going to be staying there. She'd been in the kitchen with Emma while Andrew and I had been discussing that.
“Despite the fact that Andrew doesn't really know what to do when it comes to children, he wouldn't have asked you and Emma to stay here if he didn't think that it was a good idea,” she said. “If you have any concerns, I'd talk to him about them, but I wouldn't be too worried. Renée is the person that you're more likely to get some side-eye from, but that'll be because she's jealous of you and because she really doesn't strike me as the kind of person who likes kids.”
I laughed a little, even though that gave me a whole new panic to worry about. Of course, Andrew was only part of the battle. Who knew what would happen if Renée really didn't want me to be there. Even if she didn't convince Andrew to make us leave, she could make things uncomfortable.
At least, it seemed that I had Janice on my side. And Andrew, even if it was just for now.
“Thank you so much for everything you've done so far,” I said to Janice.
She laughed. “Honey, if you think I've helped you out a lot already, you've got another thing coming,” she assured me. “I'm here for whatever you need me for, whether you need someone to watch after Emma, even if it's just so you can have some personal time, or if it's a friend to talk to. Or if you need something around the house, just let me know as well. Plus, I know all the comfort food recipes.” She winked at me, and I couldn't help laughing.
“I'll have to keep that in mind,” I said. “Dinner tonight was delicious, by the way.”
“I'm glad you enjoyed it,” Janice said. “We could do with getting a little more meat on your bones.” I blushed, but she didn't dwell on that. Instead, she stood up. “I need to be getting home for the evening. The hubby will be waiting for me. But I'm around during the day, so remember, if you need me...”
“I'll let you know,” I promised.
“Good, good,” Janice said.
I took another sip of tea as she slipped out, smiling to myself. Maybe this was the end of my streak of bad luck. I could only hope so.
Chapter Twelve
Andrew
I normally showered pretty quickly in the morning. Showers were just another step in the routine of getting ready for work, and there was no reason to dwell in there soaking up the steam. But the morning after Lexi and Emma arrived on my doorstep, I took my time and thought things over.
Unfortunately, the night had given no clarity to my chaotic thoughts and feelings regarding the situation.
A part of me wanted to write Lexi a check and be done with this whole mess. I had enough money in the bank t
hat I could really pay for everything the both of them would need for the rest of their lives. A place to stay, college money, and everything else. They would want for nothing. And I had lawyers on call who could draw up a contract for us to sign, saying that she would never come back to bother me again.
Lexi would probably be thrilled with that course of action. She'd made it very clear that she didn't want me in Emma's life, and I knew I couldn't blame her for that. I definitely wasn't ready to be a dad.
But something about that plan didn't sit right with me. My own upbringing had been cold, between my mother's lack of interest in her children and my father's total focus on work and only things related to his work. The only person who had shown me any love was Katherine, and despite my flakiness when it came to some of our current get-togethers, Katherine was still the only person in the world that I knew I loved.
I knew Emma's situation wouldn't be exactly the same as mine. I could tell that Lexi loved the girl, probably more than I ever would be able to. But at the same time, there was something about the idea of writing them a check, of having nothing to do with her, that made me feel just like the kind of parent I'd always sworn I would never become. It didn't sit right in my gut.
The thing is, for all that I liked to have my fun and do things on my terms, I was never totally opposed to the idea of having children. I just thought that stage of my life would come later. But I wanted to have that. I wanted to have a daughter who grew up knowing who her father was and respecting him.