Lexi was probably right, and it was better that I had nothing to do with Emma, even if the girl was my daughter.
“I just don't know where to turn to at this point,” Lexi confessed, still unable to meet my eyes. “My mother's an artist. She was barely able to scrape together enough to raise me above the poverty level, and she's been earning less lately. She's living in this artist's retreat at the moment, so I hardly ever even see her, and it's not like Emma and I could go stay with her. It's hard to even get in contact with her. The place doesn't have Wi-Fi, and there's only one phone line for all of them to split.”
She shook her head. “Misty's been great, but I know I can't stay there much longer. She can't really afford the place on her own, and it's not like I can contribute anything to rent. I can't even contribute toward groceries. Other than that, I guess it'll just be government aid, but I could be waiting a while before they get back to me, and even then, we all know that government aid doesn't really provide much of a life for kids.”
“There are plenty of programs now that would help you,” I scoffed. “You might have to live in a low-income area, but you'd have a roof over your heads and food on the table.”
“But do you really want your daughter growing up in a low-income part of the city?” she asked, finally looking up at me again, a look of horror in her eyes. “I want her to be safe. I want her to make good friends, have healthy relationships. She's smart. I want her to go to a good school. I want her to have hobbies, to be able to join clubs or sports teams or whatever she wants to do. I don't want her to get the bare minimum that she needs to survive.”
“Well, then you're going to have to work on finding a job,” I snapped.
“I know that,” Lexi said, and this time, I could hear the desperation in her voice. “I'm trying to find a job. I applied to fifteen jobs yesterday. Some of them, I don't even know how I would get to them if they did hire me because I don't have a car anymore and the public transit system won't get me everywhere. But I'll figure that out if I get hired. I'm just desperate to find something at the moment. But first, I need a place to live. A place that Emma can call home, even if it's just for a little while.”
“I have space,” I found myself saying, before my brain caught up with my mouth.
“I didn't come here looking for a place to stay,” she said, sounding uncertain.
“No, you came here for money,” I agreed. “But if I'm making an investment, I like to see what that investment is getting me. You're an insurance analyst. You should understand that. I want to make sure that I know how that investment is doing and make sure that it's meeting the terms stated in the original plan.”
Lexi just stared at me, her eyes wide. “'The terms stated in the original plan'?” she echoed.
“Well, if I'm going to give you money, I should have some say in how that money is being spent,” I said matter-of-factly. “And as I said, you're going to need to get a job. Apparently, despite your claims that you've been applying to a number of different positions, you've been unable to get yourself hired, so I'll need to monitor you and make sure that you really are applying to as many jobs as you say you are. You know, if you don't have a job, you should be job-hunting every day.”
“You're unbelievable,” Lexi said, shaking her head.
I shrugged broadly. “It's up to you,” I told her. “You should have known that you weren't going to just get help for free. If you want my help, you're going to live here, and I'm going to interact with Emma just as much as you do. And we're going to sign a contract outlining the rules of this arrangement.”
I could see the uncertainty in her eyes, and I only hoped it wasn't mirrored with similar uncertainty in my own expression. I wasn't entirely sure where the words were coming from. I would be interacting with Emma just as much as she did? Did I want to have a relationship with my daughter? The more of a relationship she and I had, the more responsibility I was going to have toward her. It would be much easier to just pay Lexi a check every month and keep them out of my sight.
But for some reason, I didn't want that. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, whether it was those strange feelings that I'd had for Lexi ever since our night together or something tied up with my feelings for my parents. Or that niggling guilt that I had been feeling throughout this conversation. Perhaps it was a combination of all of those things. Whatever it was, I was asking Lexi and Emma to stay.
“I don't want Emma to know that you're her dad,” Lexi said slowly. “Not just yet. Please.”
“Fine,” I agreed. That was probably best for both of us. “Tell her that we're old friends. Tell her whatever you want to tell her. I have my own stipulations, too.”
“Such as?”
“We're not in a relationship,” I told her frostily. “We aren't in a relationship, and we're not going to be in a relationship. I have a girlfriend.”
“Are we going to tell your girlfriend that you and I are just old friends?” Lexi asked snidely.
“Don't be ridiculous,” I said. “I'm not in the habit of lying to Renée.”
“There's a shocker,” Lexi muttered. I glowered at her, and she ducked her head again. “Sorry.”
“I expect you to be civil, if we're going to be living together, regardless of what your personal opinions are of me.” I paused. “I don't shy away from my personal responsibilities, you know. Whatever else you might think about me, whatever else you might have heard about me and Orinoco and the way that I do business, that's one thing that you can always count on.”
“Good,” Lexi said. She bit her lower lip and then stood up slowly. “I guess Emma and I should go back to Misty's and tell her what's going on. Pack up our things.”
“Don't be ridiculous,” I said, knowing she must be exhausted from the outpouring of feelings that she'd displayed during the conversation. “Give Misty a call, maybe. But you can save packing up your things for another time. Let me show you around the house.”
Chapter Eleven
Lexi
The shower in the en suite room that Andrew was putting us up in was huge and luxurious. Between the size of the place, the pleasant warmth of the water, and the relaxing scents of his sister's hair products, which I was using to wash away all my worries, I never wanted to turn the water off and get out. But eventually, I did just that, drying myself off with a fluffy towel, careful not to drip all over the floor even though it was just Emma and me using that bathroom.
I got dressed in some clothes that Janice had given me. They belonged to Andrew's sister, who apparently had her own room there at his house, even though she only stayed there infrequently. They were clean and comfortable, and they fit perfectly.