“I'm sensing a 'but,'” I said suspiciously.
“There is a but,” Misty agreed grimly.
“If it's applying for government aid, I can do that,” I said. “I'll get the papers today. I promise. You're right; I shouldn't have ever left it this long, not when there's Emma's livelihood at stake. I've been a really bad mother.”
“You've been a really great mother,” Misty said soothingly. “And I know how much you want to do right for your daughter. But I don't want you to apply for government aid.”
“What do you want then?” I asked. “I can help out around the house, or whatever you need.”
Misty continued to delay. Finally, she sighed. “I want you to promise that you'll get in touch with Andrew.”
“You know I can't do that,” I said, shaking my head, even though I knew she couldn't see it through the phone line.
“I know you don't want him involved in Emma's life, but he should still be paying child support or something,” she said. “It's his child, too.”
“And what if he wants to take her away from me?” I asked angrily. “He could take me to court. He could afford to do so. And if the judge looked at our cases, there's no reason that they wouldn't assign full custody to him. I'm unemployed and basically homeless. Clearly, I can't cut it as a single mother.”
“Do you really think that he would want to take Emma away from you?” Misty asked. “I know you haven't been keeping tabs on him because it's too painful, but he's still sleeping around and partying it up. He's less ready for the responsibilities of a child than you are, unemployed and homeless though you may be.”
“But what if he wants something better for Emma?” I asked. “Even if he doesn't want her in his life, he could make the state take her away from me.”
“The guy might
have been an asshole to you, but I doubt he's that cruel,” Misty said, sounding exasperated.
We were both silent for a moment. I didn't know what to say in response to that.
But Misty sighed. “I know it isn't really about you being afraid to lose Emma,” she said. “We both know that you would never let that happen, and we both know you're being ridiculous about this whole situation. What it really comes down to is the same thing that's been keeping you from applying for government aid.”
“And what's that?” I bit out.
I knew I shouldn't get angry with her, especially not when she was just trying to help me, but as frustrated as I was with my current lot in life, I couldn't help taking out some of it on her.
“It's pride,” Misty said simply. “You're too prideful to apply for government aid, and you're too prideful to ask Andrew for help.”
“That's not it, and you know it,” I snapped peevishly. “I mean, okay, the government aid, sure. But with Andrew, pride is the furthest thing from my mind.”
“Well, whatever it is, you're going to need to get over it,” Misty said matter-of-factly. “Those are my terms, like them or not. If you and Emma want to come stay with me, you're going to have to get in contact with Andrew and tell him about his daughter. If not, you're going to have to figure out something else.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the tears start to come up. “I've been trying to think of something, but I can't,” I told her. “I just want what's best for Emma.”
“Well, maybe what's best for Emma is having a nice trust fund set up by her daddy, even if that's not what's best for Mommy,” Misty said. I knew she wasn't saying it to be cruel, and somewhere deep down, I also knew that she was correct. But that didn't make the words hurt any less.
I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed, already contemplating how I was going to move all of my things across the city to Misty's home. It wasn't as though I had a car anymore. I'd been relying on the bus ever since upkeep on the car had gotten to be too much.
“You're right,” I sighed, dropping my head and sniffling.
“It's going to be okay,” Misty said gently. She paused. “And fortunately for you, I know a guy who has a trailer. He'll be at your place this afternoon.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
Chapter Eight
Andrew
Although I sometimes appreciated the convenience of working from home, I really preferred being in the office, right in the thick of things. But that morning, Renée and I had woken up late, and it had seemed pointless to go into the office for a few hours just to turn around and go back home. Anyway, it was a Saturday, and Renée was always telling me that I needed to relax more on the weekends.
It was funny, coming from her, seeing as she was at the gym at the moment for her tri-weekly fitness class, which would be followed by a smoothie date with her friends, which would be followed by drinks with different friends. She didn't know the first thing about relaxing on the weekends. It was one of the things I appreciated about her.