“I had an affair, and I’m sad to say, you caught me in the act with the other person. I made you promise never to tell your dad,” she said as tears rolled down her cheek.
“So, apart from the obvious, how did this relate to dad?”
“Well, I tried to stop this affair and I couldn’t. Your dad found out, and that was the reason he started drinking and becoming abusive. At the same time, he also found out that Peter was gay, which infuriated him even more. He was in the wrong, but he was who he was,” she explained.
“Peter’s gay? I knew there was something and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Keep going.”
“That’s when you started to blame me for your dad’s drinking and his death. You blamed me for making him become that way, and I had made you promise not to say anything,” she said as she sobbed.
“It was a bad situation for all of us, Mom,” I replied
“I was selfish and mean, but I never stopped loving you. Even though you disowned Peter and me when your dad died, and he left you everything,” she said. “Both of us still love you so much, Elijah.”
“You mean, I had it all, and you and Peter got nothing?” I asked confused. “I thought you had most of it by what Peter said, but, you had nothing?”
“Peter is proud and loves you very much. He always has. He wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about it,” she said.
“Mom, I’m so sorry. I obviously got wrapped up in my emotions which must have got the better of me. I’ll have to put things right. You nor Peter shouldn’t have had to carry so much guilt and pain,” I said, wanting to make everything better as fast as I could. Shit happened, but you got over it and made the best of it. What kind of cock was I before the accident?
“Thank you, Elijah, for being understanding. It makes me feel much better,” she said. “I’ve missed you for all these years, my boy.” She added as she wrapped her arms around me.
“But why did I disown Peter? Him being gay doesn’t bother me in the slightest. That’s his prerogative, and I support him fully in it.”
“You followed your dad, and you thought you had to be like him. No matter how many times he beat you, you just looked at Peter being gay as a sign of weakness.
“Wow. Fuck that. It’s over now mom. Everything is going to be alright. I promise I’ll put it right,” I added as I hugged her back.
We chatted more about this and other things regarding my childhood, and we settled a lot of differences that would now be buried in the past. After all, she was still my mother.
“Well mom, I should be going. I have a long drive, and it’s nearly dark,” I said as I stood.
We walked to the door, and we hugged, and mom cried some more and apologized for everything she had put me through as a child, and if she had not had an affair, dad would never have started to beat me.
I climbed into the car and headed off on the long drive home and had some new thoughts in my head that I had to deal with.
I headed out to the highway and thought about how much I hurt the people close to me. For years, I had held my mom responsible for my dad’s death and had totally disowned her once he had died. She had obviously tried to make things right, yet I had just put up a wall between us and had shown no signs of letting her into my world.
Peter was a different case altogether. I had not realized he was gay, I had an idea something was up, but gay… I had used this as an excuse, to push him away from me, and he had taken so many beatings from dad when he tried to protect me for all those years.
How could I have been so dysfunctional toward them? And why had they stood by me all of this time?
I now had Kendall to consider, I had hurt the two closest people in my life, and if there were any sign I co
uld hurt Kendall in the same way, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I said as I banged my hand on the steering wheel.
I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t let Kendall go through what my family had been through, and there was only one way I could guarantee this would never happen. I had grown very fond of Kendall and could feel I was falling for her, and I could never hurt her, so I only had one painful solution.
I had to end it.
Chapter Thirty
Kendall
I arrived at Mandy's house and let Bo out of the car. I could see Mandy as she opened the door and came outside and greeted us.
“Hello big boy, how are you?” she said as she ruffled Bo’s fur.