Julie was silent for a moment. “And you’re happy about this?” she finally asked.
“I mean, I guess it’s not the best situation ever,” I said uncertainly. “It’s a gamble, but he’s really excited about it, and he seems to think that he can do it. And if he can, then that’s great, right?”
She sighed. “It’s not about it being a gamble,” she said. “But it’s dangerous, don’t you think? He could really hurt himself.”
“He’s being careful,” I said defensively.
“I’m sure he is,” Julie said soothingly. “But what happens next? He can’t keep riding bulls forever, can he? That’s not a stable way to live.”
“It’s just to help me get the gallery off the ground,” I said.
She hummed. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up too much,” she said. “And, I don’t want you to put too much pressure on Trethan. I can only imagine what he might do if he thought this was the only way that he could end up with you.”
I was silent for a long moment. “You don’t think he’s thinking that, do you?” I couldn’t help asking. “I mean, he has me, whether he wins this thing or not.”
“I know that,” she said. “But does he know that? To put it frankly, you left, Vanessa. You went off to college, and you both thought that was going to be the end of the two of you. Now you’re back, but we all know that if you don’t manage to open this gallery, you’re not going to spend your whole life bumming around White Bluff. Don’t you think Trethan must be feeling as though your staying here hangs on whether or not he wins that bull ride?”
I stared at her for a long moment. “Oh shit,” I finally managed, my hand creeping up to cover my mouth. “That’s probably exactly what he’s thinking.” I shook my head. “What should I do?”
Julie smiled a little. “Well, you could start by just going over there and talking to him,” she said.
I nodded absently, already thinking through what I needed to say. Then I shook my head. “Do you think things are even meant to work out between Trethan and me?”
Julie raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Are you having problems? I thought everything was good between the two of you.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know. Everything just seems so complicated between us.”
“How so?”
I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair. “Just this whole question of whether I’m going to leave again. And then there’s the fact that we still haven’t told my dad that we’re together again. Plus, there’s the whole question of if this is what either of us wants for the rest of our lives. How do you know that? I mean, I guess you knew that with Liam, right?”
She laughed. “Honestly, I still don’t know that with Liam. But there’s no one else that I want to be with forever. And once I got pregnant with Danny, there was no one else I could imagine being the father of my child.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if I believe in all of that soulmate stuff. But Liam and I are happy, and we work well together as a couple and as parents, and I think maybe that’s what really counts, more than promises of forever.”
“But how am I supposed to know that with Trethan?” I asked. “His dad apparently wasn’t a very nice guy, and what if Trethan ends up just like him? Or what if we raise another little drug dealer? Trethan didn’t exactly run with the best crowd.”
Julie was quiet for a long moment. “Are you trying to talk yourself out of it?” she finally asked.
“No!” I said.
She shrugged. “Then don’t talk yourself out of it.” She paused. “It sounds like you might be getting cold feet. Trethan giving you the money you need for the gallery is a pretty big gesture from him. Maybe you’re just feeling a bit worried about the commitment that comes along with it.”
I was quiet for a long moment. She had hit the nail on the head when she guessed that I was scared about the consequences of Trethan’s success, but not in exactly the way that she thought. I was more afraid that if he was successful at bull riding, it would take him away from me. He could go off and do all sorts of competitions. He wouldn’t be stuck here in White Bluff anymore.
It wasn’t fair for me to think like that, though. Trethan had let me go off to college. I knew that couldn’t have been easy for him. If bull riding was what he wanted, I couldn’t stand in the way of that, no matter what it meant for us.
We were going to have to have a talk about the whole thing, though. I couldn’t live with knowing that he was only going through with this risky plan because he thought he was going to lose me otherwise.
And yet, that afternoon,
when Trethan answered the door looking sexy as anything with just a towel around his waist, all the words seemed to fly right out of my head. “Uh, hi,” I said, blinking at him, my eyes trailing down his chest, down the line of hair that disappeared beneath the soft material.
Trethan grinned knowingly at me and leaned against the doorframe, practically preening. “See something you like?” he purred.
I blushed and dragged my eyes back up toward his face, desperately turned on, but knowing that we needed to talk or I would feel guilty the whole time.
He caught me in his arms and pulled me inside, kicking the door shut and stalling my questions with his lips against mine. I moaned as my fingers slipped along his still-damp, muscular abs. Then, I forced myself to turn my head to the side. “Trethan, we need to talk,” I gasped out as he sucked at my earlobe.
“I’m listening,” he insisted, his breath hot against the shell of my ear.