“Let me buy you a beer,” Linda said, putting her hands on my arm as though she belonged there at my side. She leaned in close, making sure that I got a clear view of her cleavage in her low-cut black top. “You must be really thirsty after a ride like that.”
I shook her hands off me. “Actually, I think I’m going to go home for the night,” I told her, trying to sound apologetic when I really didn’t care either way. “I have to be at the ranch early tomorrow morning, so I don’t want to be out too late.” I started to slip away.
Brent caught me when I was halfway to the door, his eyes flashing with anger. “Dude, what the hell?” he snapped.
I shrugged him off. “Dude, I’m going home.”
“Why are you being such a dick lately?” he asked, his voice souring. As if he understood me at all. The bastard knew where my head was, and yet he kept pushing, kept trying to get me to shit or get off the pot.
I wasn’t ready to make a decision or a move. Period.
“I’m not trying to be a dick,” I said. “I’m just not feeling it tonight. Anyway, I’m doing you a favor, aren’t I? I’m leaving you alone with two women.”
“You know as well as I do that I’m not going to get both of them to go back home with me, especially not after the show that you just put on,” Brent growled. “Don’t try to act like that’s why you’re doing it. Can’t you just take Linda home so that I can-”
“So that you can what? Get your dick wet?” I snapped. “I’m not going to fuck some random chick just so you can get laid. Next time, maybe try to get someone who doesn’t want to come out with her friend.”
Before he could say anything else, I shot out of there, needing some air. The evening was pleasantly cool with a light breeze. It helped clear my head a little, which was exactly what I needed. I decided to take a walk instead of going straight home. My feet carried me aimlessly through town, heading in the opposite direction of home for now.
I wandered past my father’s old house, its For Sale sign still stuck in the front yard. I was going to have to come down on the price soon. No one had even come by to see the place in a couple weeks now, and I was starting to get frustrated with still having it in my possession. It wasn’t like the place had many good memories for me. It was a dead weight I was forced to drag around with me, one last reminder of everything my father had been.
Well, maybe not the last reminder, I thought as I wandered past O’Malley’s. Plenty of places around town still reminded me of my father, but O’Malley’s was probably the biggest reminder. That had been his bar, the place from which he’d stumbled home nearly every night. Nearly every night because there had been nights when he hadn’t come home at all. Nights when he’d passed out on the couch in the back room of the bar. Nights when he’d fucked around with random women.
Thinking about him, I couldn’t help thinking about my own life, about the person I’d been lately. Sure, I’d been able to hold down the job at the Lazy J, but my father had always been pretty good about holding down a job, even when he was at his most reckless and drunk. He was a high-functioning alcoholic. Everyone always agreed on that. Holding down a job was nothing special.
In every other respect, I seemed exactly the same as him. I drank away most of the money I earned, I rode the mechanical bull for thrills, I slept around with random women, and I started fights.
The fight with Mike still hung over my head. Guilt and shame churned unpleasantly inside me every time I happened to see Mike around town. I was just glad that nothing else had come of that night.
Still, I couldn’t help feeling ashamed. I wasn’t any better than my father.
I was just lucky I didn’t have a kid in the mix. I shuddered just thinking about it. Not that I would intentionally set out to be like my father, but I could only imagine the sort of bitterness and darkness that had to be there inside me. Nature versus nurture, that was the question, wasn’t it? I seemed to have gotten the worst from both of those things.
I spared a moment to wonder what John had ever seen in me, why he had ever taken it upon himself to give me a second chance. I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved one. Vanessa didn’t seem to think I did, either.
I shook my head and turned my feet back toward home, mainly because if I stayed out any longer, I was going to say “fuck it” and head into O’Malley’s where I belonged. I had enough sense of self-preservation, though, to turn away from that for the night and get drunk in the privacy of my own apartment.
Chapter Ten
Vanessa
The idea came to me in a dream, and when I woke up, I was so excited that I had to call Julie about it right away. She was less than thrilled to hear from me so early.
“It’s eight in the morning,” Julie said when she answered the phone. She was the opposite of a morning person, which left me most likely out of her good graces for the start of the day.
I winced and looked at the clock. Sure enough, it was just as early as she’d said. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
She laughed. “Of course not,” she said. “I have a little kid, remember? I’m up before the sun, every morning. This morning’s no different. I’ve already showered and gotten dressed. I made breakfast for all of us and drove the tyke over to one of his playmate’s houses for the day. I’m just surprised that you’re up.”
“Oh. Yeah. I just woke up from the best dream. I think I know what I’m going to do with myself.” I smiled, unable to help myself.
“What?” she asked, sounding amused already.
“What if I created a gallery to showcase artwork from people in the region?” I asked. “White Bluff already has a pretty steady flow of tourists coming through; I’m sure there would be people who were interested in the local art. And, there are so many great artists from the region, both Native American and other people who have moved here specifically because the surroundings are so beautiful.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Julie said, but I could tell there was a “but” coming.
“You don’t think it would be popular enough?” I guessed.